I went to the Draper Temple Open House yesterday.

We drove around it a few times to take some pictures.

What shade of blue would you say the sky was? My opinion: Glorious Blue. Coming soon to a Crayola box near you. (ha?)

Seriously, the weather lately has been splendid. As long as the sun is out, I'm happy.


I was so excited to see it. I can't even describe it. It was breathtakingly beautiful. If you're in the area, I suggest going to see it.


In certain rooms there are hand painted murals on the walls. They reminded me of Grandpa Ross. Made me think of some of his paintings I've seen. Which sent me into a whirlwind of thoughts and memories. I have a memory of going to church with Gpa Ross and Gma Lyn. (Maybe a cousin's mission farewell/homecoming? Not sure. It's fuzzy.) I remember sitting next to my wonderful grandparents. Grandpa had doodled on the program. Trees, mountains, rivers, bears, deer. I remember watching the way he held the pen and let it outline the figures. Easily guiding it to create beauty. I sat in awe at how quickly and gracefully he created a landscape. If you asked me who my favorite artist is, my answer would most likely be Ross Davis.



Thinking about him made me think of Lyn. (Well, that or the fact that I was wearing her shoes.) How much I miss her. All my memories of her are from my childhood and early teen years. I wish I could know her and see her through my new "big kid" lenses. But as I was walking through those rooms with handcrafted furniture and original artwork, I felt her smiling down on me. I felt her arms wrap me up into a tight, warm hug. That's special to me.

On the way back, we stopped at the store. And by "we" I mean me, the boy, and the china man.

Side note: the china man=one of the coolest persons I've ever met. We found cool sunglasses and decided to take pictures.

The end.

During the past couple of weeks I have felt inspired. Inspired by music and events. I want to create something that will have the same effect on others as she or they (or most recently, they) have had on me. (And I thank Steve Vistaunet for introducing me to all via you.) I have this increased desire to write music. Small problem with that... I have no idea how. I suppose fooling around with chords on the piano and guitar will get me somewhere?

I'm afraid that if I do try to write something, it will just be a generic, inexpressive bore. One of those silly songs that teenage girls (myself included) sing in the car on the way to the mall to like, shop. I don't want to be cheese. I want to make something more than that. Something real. Don't know where to start.

I feel like there's something inside of me, trying to get out. There's a song or two deep in my fingers, waiting to escape. I can't describe this feeling. I picture it as a little music note that has appeared on the surface on my heart. I know it's there is because it whispers to me, "Write me, write me. Turn me into a melody. Play me. Sing me. I need to be heard."

Lyrics shouldn't be a problem for me. I have pages and pages of things I've written that could become lyrics. But they just don't fit. They aren't what the music note on my heart needs to become. So I ask, "What are your words, little music note? What are your sounds? What is your melody? What is your rhythm? What is your message?"

Thoughts? Suggestions? Words of encouragement? I have the want, but do I have the ability? The knowledge?

PS: I'm buying this. I need it.

It is on repeat.

First off, this version is simple. Beautiful. Emotional. It seems to me that the simplest of phrases can be the most powerful.

"I want to hold your hand."

It's the beginning. It's going out on a limb. It's jumping and hoping you fall in the right place. It's expressive. It's without reservation. It's your diary screaming out loud. It's being so sure of your feelings and emotions that you can't hide it inside yourself anymore. It's just needing to say it. Or write it. It's a shaky voice of confession. It's stuttering words of affirmation. A declaration. It's music. It's art. It's colors. It's beautiful. A wonder. A thought. A dream. A wish. A heart.

Oh yeah, I’ll tell you something. I think you’ll understand when I say that something. I wanna hold your hand. I wanna hold your hand. I wanna hold your hand.

Oh, please, say to me you’ll let me be your man and please, say to me you’ll let me hold your hand. Now let me hold your hand. I wanna hold your hand.

And when I touch you I feel happy inside. It’s such a feeling that my love I can’t hide. I can’t hide. I can’t hide.

Yeah you got that something I think you’ll understand when I say that something. I wanna hold your hand. I wanna hold your hand. I wanna hold your hand.

I wanna hold your hand.

So I'm a college student. Yep. I go to college. I learn. Lalala. Nothing too special about that.

Things I am happy about right now:

• Pretty sure I'm getting "a little kitty kiiitty". You basically just have to hear me say that.
• I'm enjoying school, and the knowledge I get from it. Like the other day, in my Interpersonal Communications class, we were learning about relationships. There are different kinds you see. Like, I-It (generally consist of strangers, maybe a server. Someone you don't treat like an individual, they are just there), I-You (most of your friends/acquaintances. You recognize them as an individual), and I-Thou (basically your family and best friends, you know their hopes and dreams and they know yours). I had a job interview. The guy treated me like an "It". Well, I didn't appreciate that. So I don't care if they give me the job.
• I'm making many new friends. People from school. People from church. People I like. People who like me. Friends.
• I filled out a Passport Application. I'm not entirely sure where I'm going. Or when. That's why I'm getting a passport now. How about we put a vote on it? When you get the chance go here, here, and here. Pick your favorite and tell me why. And please! Comments mean a lot to me and so does your opinion! Also, if you know of any other programs along these lines, I'm interested!
  
• Took my first test today, I really think I did well. I'll let ya know.
• I have two job interviews this week/next week. Woo!
• I put bed risers on my bed. I feel like a princess.
  

Things I am unhappy about:

• Some friends seem to be disappearing out of my life. Some seem to be popping in every once in a while. Teasing me. They love me, they love me not. Please make up your minds. It's hard not knowing if you'll be around or not.
• I don't get to read as much as I want. I mean novels. Those beautiful stories I hunger for. Last night I was talking to some friends about books and movies. Before this conversation, I considered myself relatively well-read. Ooh-ho-hoh no. I was sadly mistaken. It made me desperately want to sit and read for days. Not so I could catch up to them in their knowledgeable ways. They talked so highly of classics like Moby Dick and Crime and Punishment. Jane Eyre and Persuasion. All books I've wanted to read but just haven't had the time.
• I saw a really big scary spider in my room yesterday. No really. This one was really bad. Like, huge. I'm not exaggerating this time. Ew. I'm unhappy about this because I think he was in the mafia. So he probably has friends. Who are his size. ACK!
  

Things I've been thinking about:

• I have this one friend who seems to read me like a book. I don't even know him that well. Maybe he's just really that perceptive, or maybe I wear my heart on my sleeve but he knows when I'm not myself. Also, every time I talk to him, he says something that is a huge answer to a question bobbing around in my soul. On any other day, if he said what he did, it would be nothing special. Wouldn't think twice about it. But the other day a simple, "You are awesome, thanks for being yourself" was a big deal to me.
• I'm friends with these two people (the ones I was talking books with as I mentioned earlier). They are brother and sister. They have an awesome relationship. I can't really put my finger on what makes their relationship so interesting to me. They're best friends. The word patience comes to mind. It makes me wonder what their childhood was like together. What drew these two siblings together instead of others in their family? Or is their entire this close with each other?
• There's nothing wrong with being yourself. Even if it makes other people unhappy. Especially if it makes other people unhappy. I learned this again. I won't change who I am because someone doesn't like it. What I like, or what I don't. What I do or don't do. What I believe in. And I believe in a lot of things. Possibly a whole post's worth.
• Also, I think it's very fashionable to wear your heart on your sleeve. Maybe you get hurt more but you learn, grow, and become a lot more too.

The end.

Song of the day.
Favorite moments:
"Are your friends really your friends?
Are you still waiting for the end of the day?
Hey, hey, when will you learn to love what's sent from up above?
...
But it's a facade like the sky, like the moon, like your eyes
...
Oh, I wish I had someone.
Who would want you as you are?
What can you give they couldn't get from someone else?
What life of ease, what wedding bells, what pretty stones, what precious wealth?
...
It's called a come on, come on, come on baby
Does your heart echo like a hall
'Cause there's no one there at all"

It's been a while. I know. Last week was very busy. Family events galore. Most of them in honor of these two people loving each other.

My brother, Chris, and his new wife, Ashley.

I got a niece out of that happy day. Ashley's two-year-old daughter, Destiny. She has our entire family wrapped around her finger. This was taken the Sunday before the wedding with her Pooh. Or PB as she calls him.

You are my sunshine.


Elle and Destiny.

And another recent picture.

Don't freak. I took it at a stoplight.

And tomorrow is my first day of college. People ask me if I'm nervous, or excited, or what? I tell them I don't know. I really try not to think about it. I try not to get eager for much of anything so as to not let myself down.

Like birthdays. My eighteenth is approaching quickly. I fear a let down. I smell disappointment.

I wish I were small again and let downs didn't exist. I could wear a cardboard tiara with my sunshiny hair resting on my shoulders and blow out a handful of candles on a cake with Winnie the Pooh characters on it. All would be lovely.

But since then, I have experienced. The memories from past years have made me cautious when it comes to the 30th. A memory of anticipation. Someone is planning a surprise. It's a happy one. And I'm surrrre to love it! And all my friends will be going to the pool and playing and sliding and splashing and laughing. And there will be a mermaid on my cake! And I will have my big fluffy beach towel to lay on. Oh, but that year it rained on my birthday. All day long. No outside for me.

And a few years later my bestest!friend!ever! went to California and bought my present there. She just knows I'll love it! -- Sorry, love. Not my style. Or size. Didn't wear it once. The friendship didn't last. But not because of my birthday.

And it's not that all my birthdays have been terrible. I've only learned my lesson, that's all. Don't think about it. Don't wonder. Don't daydream. Don't get your hopes up for something great. You'll only be let down.

Last year was a great one. But let's not talk about that. Those are memories that will only make me miss my friend more.

There have been many good ones along the way. Enough for me to still believe in good birthdays.

But part of me wants this year to be just like any other day. Because what if it rains on my pool party? What if a wonderful!surprise! turns out to be a lame jacket? What if I lose another friend? Because it's Doyle's birthday too. I don't want it forgotten. What if I'm continually misunderstood as I often feel I am?

The other part of me wants to do something like this or this. Because I can. And because it looks like freedom to me. Just so you all know, my mother just began holding her abdomen and rocking herself back and forth, wincing. Because just the thought of me jumping from high altitudes makes her want to stop whatever she's doing and race me to the nearest tattoo parlor to get something ridiculous permanently etched into my forehead because anything would be better than this. Also because she knows it's a safe offer and that I will always refuse a needle.

But, in all honesty, I'm not hard to please. I don't need something extravagant, or outrageous. I don't WANT it. I'm a very simply person. All I want is memories with the people I love. Smiles and laughter. Friendship and comfort. Hugs and small talk.

Songs of days that have passed.

"The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping I dreamt I held you in my arms." -I don't know her. But I like the way she sings this.

"They don't know what I've been through like you do." - I love the emotion in her voice.

"Why oh why can't I?" -- I saw one the other day. I wanted to chase it. Find where it touched the earth. The party pooper I was with made fun of me. No worries, I stopped hanging around that poser.

"Write down the thoughts of the moment. Those that come unsought for are commonly the most valuable."
--Francis Bacon

My friend came home from college. For good. I'm so happy. I didn't realize how much I missed her until I saw her again. She's my home girl. Friday we filled our tummys, had a sparkling conversation, and saw this. She hadn't seen it yet so of course we had to go. I loved it the second time too. We laughed so hard. And then when I saw her next, I stood and yelled, "Will ya look at what the tide brought in?" And then we giggled.

One of my dear friends came for a visit on Saturday. We (him, me, other friend) went to all night bowling. They turned the lights out and put on those funky ones that make everything glow. I'm a terrible bowler. But I did win two glow sticks during the little game by getting two strikes. It was the first time I've enjoyed bowling in a long time. We chatted and reminisced. Missed our best friend together. (It's been eight months, only sixteen left. Not that I'm counting or anything....) He misses him more than he shows. I can tell by the way he talks about him. I wonder if I use the same tone when his name is brought up. If my face has the same expression. I try not to show it if I'm sad.

I decided that bowling shoes are the bee's knees.

And today. Was just splendid. It was wonderful and uplifting. I was so thirsty for spirit and warmth. I'm filled to the brim.

Song of the day. - That sweater! Goodness.

I've been listening to some really (in my opinion) awesome music lately. I would like to share a few songs. In no particular order.

1. This band is for my mellow mood. When my universe is going crazy and I need a moment to just soak it all in. Their style, lyrics, voices make me feel like all will turn out alright. It all mushes together for me to tune to my core and focus on the things in nature and life that make me push up onto my toes to better use all of my senses. Good for singing along to as well. Haven't always been much of a folk fan. Who knew? My favorites:









2. This girl is awesome.





Reminds me a little of her voice.



By the way, where would one go about buying a CD of her music? I mean, does such a wonder exist? Also, the movie of her life is very intriguing. To say the least.

3. This one is such a great cover. I've always loved Norah. She makes me feel music on a new level.



4. I think I will always love this one.

5. I love her voice. If I were to ever pursue writing and performing, I think I would sound a little like this. I don't think I ever would actually try, but what do you think?







6. I feel like this sometimes. I think everyone does. I love the strings!



7. I haven't always loved Sheryl. But right now? I totally am. I think we have a lot in common, Sheryl and I. We like little kids, parks, and sunshine.



8. This one makes me dance.



9. Oh, yes. And this one.

10. And to finish it off, I'll leave you with this wonderful girl whose music I don't have yet.





I love that her piano is falling apart. And that she wrote on it. Love it.

I hope I didn't bore you too much.

Friend gave me the assignment to make this list, mine is very similar. I love it. Friend gave me another creative "assignment" and I drool just thinking about it. Will post when I get around to it.

1. Family-Sorry that you're stuck with me forever. Suckas!
2. Best Friends-Saved many a gloomy day
3. Summer-and everything that goes with it. Sunshine, rain, twinpops, swimming, sunglasses, and freedom
4. Books-ranging from Calvin and Hobbes (see:Best Friends), novels, poetry, inspirational biographies, scriptures, and even picture books
   
5. Movies and Movie Theaters-just good times
   
6. Quotes-always give me that extra UHMPH to get things done
   
7. Music-truly inspirational and can turn any day around
   
8. Lacrosse-"Not so much an obsession as a fascination. How true it rings." It's just fun.
   
9. Skittles, Red Vines, and Gummy Bears-The source of all superpowers and true happiness
   
10. Food-ALL of it.

The song of the day pretty much defines me. This version is superb as well.

"Little darling... It's alright."

• listened to this song (hello, hello. HOLA!)
• looked at pictures
• wished I could fly-for numerous reasons
  
• learned more about this fantastic inspiration
  
• went to Juice Press
• received a "special assignment"
  
• went on a mobile stakeout for sprinklers
• ran through them
  
• giggled with friends
  
• updated my iPod
• giggled some more
• took pictures
• ate two string cheeses... let's make that three
  
• pondered about summer, the love I have for all my friends (including you, yes, you), and music
• wondered what my 20-year-old face will look like
• 30-year-old?
• 40?
• washed it

"Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart." ~William Wordsworth

I think it's TOTALLY AWESOME that his last name is WORDSworth, don't you?

Song of the day. Lyrics.

At first she was against the idea. Because she was tired and feeling lazy. She just wanted to drive there. Pff... How square is that? Cool kids don't go with the norm. I explained how much fun it would be. The wind in our hair, the sunshine, the laughter, not to mention saving on gas. And by some sort of miracle... she agreed to it.

Take a moment and try to imagine my excitement... You can't. Sorry.

We quickly changed our clothes and threw sunglasses, a towel, and tanning lotion into two light backpacks. We dug up a pair of bikes and then we rode them to the public pool. I felt like I was in this movie. When they put a radio in the handlebar basket and sing as they ride.

We hooked my iPod up to speakers and hung them outside of her backpack. We snickered and sang. All the while, wondering how we came to be so fabulous. It was an adventure to say the least.

I love this picture. I love it. I love it. I love it. Not sure why.

At one point one of us said, "I love how we're graduated so we can do things like this and it makes us cool. Not lame." I know, Right?!

I wasn't aware she was taking this picture. Not bad.

Later, I rode over to her house. She sent me a text when I got there.

L: Come in through my window.
M: What?
L: Come in through my window.
M: Okay.

Didn't see a single bug. Phew!

And then! Then we went to a friends house. And played shuffle board. I kid you not, my friends. Shuffle Board. It was fantastic. My team lost. Miserably.

After, we went to a BIRTHDAY PARTY! "We're going to a party. It's a birthday party. It's your birthday party. Happy birthday, Darling. We love you very, very, very, very, very, very, very much." (Did I not tell you that my brain is a jukebox? Oh. Well, it is.)

We ate yummy cake and ice cream. And played scum. One girl was President the entire time. Except the very.last.round. When I dethrowned her. (Yes, I know that's not a word.) But Ha!

And there you have it. My very adventurous, summer day. There are many many more to come...

Song of the day.

I think I've been avoiding my blog lately. This week kind of went crazy on me.

A boy who went to my high school took his own life on Wednesday. Heartbreaking. I didn't know him very well. But I did know him. I can't help but wonder the "What ifs". What if I could have done something to help him? But I wouldn't have known to reach out to him because he seemed like one of the happiest kids I knew. He was the one bringing comic relief to the crowd. Always had a smile on his face. I stole his ring pop at a football game. He chased me down and stole it back. We then proceeded to cheer our classmates to a victory.

Things like this make me think. Carpe Diem, right? He died at 17. It makes me think how fragile life is. I'll remember him.

On a brighter note, I got two awesome books this week. One of them will be a coffee table book when I move out. Just call me a hippie. Because I am. "All you need is love." It's very awesome. It's... gooeyooeyastic! (I make up words sometimes. Deal with it.) The other, well, lets just say I think this guy is becoming one of my idols.

I'm thinking that the guys who sang to me on my run this morning are calming. Knocked some sense and reason into me. It just gave me a good start for the day. I'm looking up. Still slightly melancholy, pondering. But good.


Song of the day. --Awesome, right? It fits me today.

Step 1: Put your music player on shuffle.
Step 2: Post the first line or two from the first 20 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing.
Step 3: Strike through the songs when someone guesses both artist and track correctly.
Step 4: For those who are guessing -- looking the lyrics up on a search engine is CHEATING!
Step 5: If you like the game, post your own.

1. "I picture you in the sun, wonderin' what went wrong. You've fallen down on your knees askin' for sympathy."
2. "They cry in the dark so you can't see their tears. They hide in the light so you can't see their fears."
3. "Nananana, nananana. I was walking down the street one day."
4. "Sometimes I feel I've got to (duhn duhn!) run away, I've got to (duhn duhn!) get away from the pain that you drive into the heart of me."
5. "Looking into your eyes I see all I want to be and I don't want it to end."
6. "I never knew, I never knew that everything was falling through. That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue to turn and run when all I needed was the truth."
7. "Just like a star across my sky, just like an angel off the page, you have appeared to my like. Feel like I'll never be the same."
8. "I came apart inside a world made of angry people. I found a boy who had a dream, making everyone smile."
9. "Thanks for the times that you've given me, the memories are all in my mind."
10. "It feels right, it feels wrong. It feels like when you have it, then it's gone."
11. "You say you don't know me, you say you don't owe me."
12. "No more talk of darkness, forget these wide-eyed fears."
13. "Bat your eyes girl, be other worldly, count your blessings, seduce a stranger."
14. "And when I see you, I really see you upside down. But my brain knows better, it picks you up and turns you around, turns you around, turns you around.
15. "I cannot find a way to describe it. It's there inside all I do is hide."
16. "There was a boy, a very strange, enchanted boy."
17. "If there's a prize for rotten judgment, I guess I've already won that."
18. "Hey, vibe to vibe a second, it's a club girl why you arrived naked?"
19. "Maybe it's time to hold onto one side, one decision. Let go of the hand that holds me high above that great divide."
20. "This may be the last thing that I write for long. Can you hear me smiling when I sing this song for you, and only you?"

This was fun!

I had my first lacrosse game of the season today. How did it go? Let's just say I got home and walked in the door and these words entered my mind. So I sang them. Loudly. Obnoxiously, even. If I'm not mistaken, I believe at one point I was on my knees with an air guitar. Rockin'. Score was 10-3.

So stick THAT in your juicebox and suck it! :P

Absolutely hate the original. Absolutely love this.


Marie Digby