Goodbye classes, teachers, and classmates I don't like. Goodbye homework. Goodbye mystery meat.

My main man.

Sisters, Moms, and Grandma oh, and precious Nephew too.

All my favorite boys.

Goodbye sports, coaches, and the feeling of being part of a team.

Coach T.

Goodbye friends. Goodbye childhood.

Tanika. Did we grow up or what?

In all this hype of bidding farewell, all I want to say is, "Hello world."

Song of the day 1 2 3.

I know it's been a while since I've posted. I guess there's just a lot going on. With graduation coming up, I've been thinking a lot about the future. First off, it's crazy to think that I'll be graduating in less than a month. I feel like it wasn't so long ago when I was in junior high going through the same things little sister is now. No matter how excited I say I am for graduation, I'm just as scared. Right now, it's not in a bad way. Hard to explain.

I've been thinking a lot about this place lately. And I know it's expensive. And I know it's far away. And I know I'm probably getting in way over my head when I say I want to go there. I know all these things. But I can't help it. The second I laid eyes on the brochure 2 years ago, I fell in love. And ever since then, it's been bouncing around my head and because I've always thought it was so out of reach, I pushed it away. Recently it's been brought up for reconsideration and it's all I can think about. The mere idea of this school gets better and better every day to me. I can't help but wonder what it would be like, who I will meet, what I will learn, and all the many adventures I will go on.

My wondering mind seems to get the best of me sometimes. I can't afford not to know. I'm a very curious person. Yes, I am a home body. I'd rather stay home, or close to, on the weekends. I never was much of a party-goer. Having said that, there's this whole other side of me. I'm not quiet, I'm a listener. I'm not shy, I'm an observer. I'm not timid, I'm... curious. I want to embark on a great adventure, as cheesy as it sounds. I really do. It's just something I want. Explore.

No matter how afraid I am of graduating, moving away from home, making these huge decisions; I'm ready. I was serious when I said this and I'm serious now. If I'm going to do something with my life, make it an adventure, why not start now? In fact, if I don't start now, I don't think I ever will.

And if I don't make it to this school, at least I can say I tried my best and I won't have to wonder what could have been.

Song of the day.

My brain...

1. Monday was hard this week. Maybe just because it was a Monday or maybe I was feeling a little bit like this. Glad she was there to be lame with me. Two is better than one.

2. The next day was greeted with giggles and painful outbursts of joy. I flew around on my lacrosse stick pretending to be HP. Now all the boys think I'm crazy. Which makes me find it even more hilarious. "Where's the snitch?!"

3. I firmly believe I'm one of the funniest people living in this beautiful world. Also, highly entertaining. Yarr!

4. Today I was in seminary and thought: Why was this okay? If womanhood is so sacred and special, then why such disrespect? I, for one, would not be able to handle that. Maybe a reason why I am here and now. My heart goes out to those women. Even thought it's different now, it's a hard concept for me to understand. Not only do I find it difficult to accept, I feel personally disrespected.

5. Rose is looking especially attractive today. She is very smooth, very suave. Yet voluptuous at the same time. (Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!)

6. Lacrosse is great. (See #'s 2 and 3.)

7. Making a change with my internship. (Almost forgot this one. Funny, was the main reason I started this post.) I've been interning as a teacher at AFHS but... I'm not enjoying it as much as I thought I would. This, however, I believe I will. Are you ready? ... Writing. (I know. Yes, as a matter of fact, I DO enjoy being a word nerd.)

Here's the Plan:

• Research writing as a career
• Interview published authors about the process of writing and getting published and write report
• Writers Conference (March 21 & 22)
• Writing on a regular basis
• Blog posts (I know your heart just skipped a beat at the thought of more posts, I know. Try to contain your excitement. Breathing also helps.)
  
• Magazine articles
• Short stories & poetry
• Novel? (Daunting.)
  
• Submitting
• Articles, stories, poem to contests and magazines
• Go through process of writing, polishing, submitting
• Log submissions and results
• Interacting with "co-workers"
• Novel Prep exercises, March 24-31st
• Online "Book in a Month" event in April (through a writers website; make a word count goals and interact online with other writers)
• Report weekly on goals and progress and interaction

Now doesn't that sound a little more exciting and productive than sitting in the back of a class you've already taken and, on occasion, teaching what the teachers want, when they want, how they want? Yeah, I thought so, too.

8. Music is not consuming my life enough. I'm feeling a favorites post coming on. I have too many favorites. Maybe I'll have to go by genres. Don't hold your breath.

9. I also decided that books aren't consuming my life enough either. Maybe after my English paper I'll read something on my list. (Yes, I really do have a list. It's quite lengthy, too. I carry it with my in my day planner and add to it as I think of more I want to read.)

And she lived happily ever after. The end. Ha.

Song of the day: "You're a Wolf" by Sea Wolf
(This song reminds me of summer, grass fights in the park. Also, makes me feel like a gypsy. Mel will have something to say about that. ;) I like being a gypsy.)

Just spent 20 minutes meeting my future college buddy. One can still dream, right?

My creative writing class has inspired me to write about some things I haven't been able to write about in the past. When a feeling or situation is still fresh, it's hard to put into words. I don't expect any of this to make sense. It's part of my resolution to break down my wall. Here's a few Teach liked:

Untitled
like a Star from the sky
shines.
like a waltz from my memory
the smoke settles and I see.
nothing.
it hit so hard.
the lies.
alibis.
singularity.
it's so lonely here.
it is so cold.
you were so cold.
taste of
cold cinnamon.
winter.
did you get it all
out of your system?
I didn't know.
that night I couldn't breathe.
rebuilt trust
but winter came.
the rock left.
my perfect rock.

A Cinquain
writing
feeds comfort
indefinite happiness occurs
world to be created
therapy

Parting
maps maps
where?
this is
taking too long.
blobs on a page
countries
inches away
January sees Tears
just like September
and July.
a foreign language his
ancestors knew.
a book called Konyve
the North Atlantic
help him forget
meanwhile,
every song
laugh
letter
every moment
helps me
remember.
maps.

thankful
something to be said
of a Man who died for sin
oh, how glorious.
a lonely daughter. we all
need something to believe in.


In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning...
more.
more sugar.
for my...
to make me
crazy!
like now.
inside the heater.
what?
goodbye.

You could guess what these are about. And you might be right. Meaning is... personal. Excuse me if my thoughts create an awkward or uncomfortable atmosphere. Imagine how I feel spilling my guts for the world to see. Enjoy.