It was such an adventure. I really needed it. I have a lot of great stories from it. Should I tell you some?

We drove a lot. Stopped in Vegas for a while. When we got to California, we checked into our hotel and decided we would race the sun to the beach. It didn't work. We couldn't find it? We used a GPS system to get around (for some reason the GPS nickname is Gina?) and she got us lost. But it was cool. When ever she would hassle us for taking a wrong turn, we replied in unison with, "Shut up, Gina!" We just ate some In & Out and called it a night.

The next morning we tried to get last minute tickets to Ellen DeGeneres. No luck. I was pretty sad. (Next time, next time.) We went to Hollywood (I'll tell you right now, that place is a JOKE. Like Las Vegas except less strippers and more lame.) where Caley SWEARS she saw Nicole Richie walking down the street. (She didn't.)

We also saw the LA temple. Which is MASSIVE.

Cool nature.

Then? Then we went to the beach. And my passionate love affair with the ocean was awakened. I love it there. Everyone loves the ocean. Why? I'm still trying to figure that out. But I know why I love the ocean.

So we were driving. Saw these. On the beach. Pulled over.

It's because it makes me feel good. It's peaceful. And happy. And it plays with all my senses. And whales live in it. Also, sea turtles and sharks and fishies and and... dolphins and... cool stuff. I want to see a whale someday. I'm still totally obsessed with them. It makes no sense.

I'm afraid of seagulls. I'll tell you why. When I was in grade school we went on a field trip and stopped at a park for lunch. I was terrorized by seagulls. They ate my lunch and pooped on me. It was horrifying and scarring. Can't say I ever really got over it. Caley peer pressured me into facing my fears. The result? Well, I'll let you watch for yourselves. In my defense, THEY WERE GOING TO EAT ME. I title this video "Megan vs. Satan Seagulls". Enjoy.



Caley wanted to go to Hearst Castle. And me? Well, I didn't care because I had no idea what it was or why it was supposed to be cool. So we went there but missed the last tour of the day. I was glad because I didn't want to pay 20 bucks just to walk around some rich guys house. Caley wanted to take a look around the gift store and learn more so I looked at books about whales and elephant seals. The following conversation we had is sure to bring a smile.

Caley: Holy crap, Meg. This castle is huge. It's ridiculous that he felt the need to build something this crazy.
Megan: Well, maybe he had a big family. Gotta put 'em all somewhere, right?
C: He didn't have any family.
M: How do YOU know?
C: Megan, do you even know who William Hearst is?
M: William Hearst... Wait a sec. WILLIAM HEARST? As in, Pulitzer and Hearst?
C: Yes. I thought you knew that.
M: As in, "Pulitzer and Hearst they think they got us, do they got us? No!"?
C: Duh.
M: We need to leave... NOW.
C: Why?
M: We're ENCOURAGING him.
C: He's dead!
M: He still knows we're here! He's probably watching all these people paying money to look at his stuff and cackling at his evil success. (Shaking my fist at the ceiling) Not me, Hearst! Not me! (To Caley) Don't even think about buying that book!

Side note: Yes, I realize that I formed an opinion about this man purely on a 1992 Disney movie. A musical no less. I'm totally okay with that.

Then we went to San Francisco. Where we saw more seals. AWESOME. And looked around, shopped at the pier and China Town and Ghirardelli square. We saw many great things.

This is China Town.

BABY BUM!

There was a bum playing his guitar and singing things like "My name's Eddie, wanna go steady? Gimme a penny so I can buy me some spaghetti!" or "My name's Joe, gimme some dough!" It made me laugh really loud. Caley wasn't very amused. Not sure why. Maybe I'm just easily entertained. I love people.

Oakland.

That's about it. The drive home was long but we entertained ourselves.

I went to the Draper Temple Open House yesterday.

We drove around it a few times to take some pictures.

What shade of blue would you say the sky was? My opinion: Glorious Blue. Coming soon to a Crayola box near you. (ha?)

Seriously, the weather lately has been splendid. As long as the sun is out, I'm happy.


I was so excited to see it. I can't even describe it. It was breathtakingly beautiful. If you're in the area, I suggest going to see it.


In certain rooms there are hand painted murals on the walls. They reminded me of Grandpa Ross. Made me think of some of his paintings I've seen. Which sent me into a whirlwind of thoughts and memories. I have a memory of going to church with Gpa Ross and Gma Lyn. (Maybe a cousin's mission farewell/homecoming? Not sure. It's fuzzy.) I remember sitting next to my wonderful grandparents. Grandpa had doodled on the program. Trees, mountains, rivers, bears, deer. I remember watching the way he held the pen and let it outline the figures. Easily guiding it to create beauty. I sat in awe at how quickly and gracefully he created a landscape. If you asked me who my favorite artist is, my answer would most likely be Ross Davis.



Thinking about him made me think of Lyn. (Well, that or the fact that I was wearing her shoes.) How much I miss her. All my memories of her are from my childhood and early teen years. I wish I could know her and see her through my new "big kid" lenses. But as I was walking through those rooms with handcrafted furniture and original artwork, I felt her smiling down on me. I felt her arms wrap me up into a tight, warm hug. That's special to me.

On the way back, we stopped at the store. And by "we" I mean me, the boy, and the china man.

Side note: the china man=one of the coolest persons I've ever met. We found cool sunglasses and decided to take pictures.

The end.

I feel like the last post was way too pessimistic. That's not me at all. And it's not how I wanted it to sound. I'm very happy with my life and where I am right now. Sure, I'm very disappointed about my plans that didn't work out, but I'm enjoying every minute of life.

A while ago, one of my friends said something that stuck with me. I can't remember exactly what it was but the basic message was Life is hard and there are so many ups and downs. Enjoy every single moment. Some moments will be overwhelmingly joyful, cherish them. Other moments will be horribly depressing and heart-breaking. Cherish those moments too. It's all part of the ride. It's all part of life. Carpe Diem.

I try to live by that. I think the other night when I wrote that last post was a moment of sadness. I cherished it.

It's time now to follow a different dream. I realize that. My problem is figuring out what my other dreams are. I've been focused on two big ones (seeing the world and teaching kids) for so long, I've forgotten other dreams.

What are they?

There's music and lacrosse. Lacrosse is a dream I'm following. I'll be assistant coach of my high school team this spring. Music is a scary one for me. I put a lot of emotion into music. When I play a piece on the piano, I put my soul into it. Expressive. Performing is always so stressful. I'm putting myself out there for anyone listening to judge. Creating music along with performing what I created is very scary to me.

This is all just scrambled thoughts in my head. I guess now I get to figure out what my other dreams are. Things I want to do.

I want to master a foreign language and use it often. I want to learn how to longboard. I want to learn a new instrument. I want to learn about photography and take pictures that speak louder than words. I want to create something worthy of being called art. I want to go on a spur-of-the-moment adventure to a city I've never been to. I want to read more books and poetry. I want to learn what it's like to live away from home. I want to learn how to cook and bake bread. I want to learn a skill or ability that I enjoy and will enable me to have a career that will support financially.

The list goes on. A common theme to my wants is learn. Okay, so I want to learn. Now where do I start?

I think the word "heal" really means to do absolutely nothing and watch while everyone else follows their dreams.

Since I decided to stay home from China, I have been doing better than I expected. Pretty great actually. My family is so supportive and patient through all this. My friends are fantastic. And this guy who randomly popped into my life has done wonders for my mood. Haze all you want, he's becoming my best friend.

Today it hit me. I'm not going to China in February. I'm not going to school either. I'm just here. I work about twice a week. And the rest of the time I'm contemplating what I'm going to do with my life. And not just for the spring semester. What am I going to do with my LIFE? If I do decide to go back to school, what on earth am I going to study? Because school seems really pointless if I don't have a goal. An end result as motivation. A class that I actually enjoy.

I'm not only completely in the dark about my future; I'm pissed.

Because I was going to teach children in China. I can't express how badly I wanted to do that. I was going to teach them and fall in love with them. I was going to miss home, yes, but I was going to follow my dreams.

I was going to cry when I left to come back home because of all the wonderful discoveries, friends, and memories I had made. I was going to cherish my semester in China for the rest of my life. I was going to tell everyone about the people I met and the things I learned about the world and myself.

I was going to tell my children about it. And maybe I would have sparked a sense of adventure in them as well. And they would think, "Wow. I can't believe Mom really did all of that. She's so cool. I want to be like her someday. I want to travel the world too. I bet she'd even come with me if I asked her." Future children, I would. I so would! In a heartbeat, I would be on a plane with you wherever you wanted to go. You would lead the way and we would discover this beautiful world together. On your terms. In your own way.

I was going to go to China. I was going to submerge myself in a new everything. I was going to teach those kids. And play with them. Laugh with them. Sing songs with them. Learn from them.

I was going to stand on The Great Wall of China. I was going to stand there, stretch my arms out, close my eyes, and remember that moment when I was 9 and I learned about The Great Wall in school and I thought to myself, "I want to go there. I want to go there so badly." I was going to remember that moment when China felt so out of reach. That moment when I was small and the world was big and there was no way I could find a way to get there. Not in a million years. I would remember that moment and think, "The world is big. I am small. But I can do big things anyways."

I was going to check something off my life list.

I was going to be the girl who actually followed her dreams. The girl who didn't just talk about traveling the world and learning new things everyday, but actually did it.

I was going to do all those things and more. And now (pardon the pessimism) I'm living at home in Happy Valley with crushed dreams and nothing to do while watching all my friends go to school to follow their own dreams. Why? Because I'm healing. From mono and TMJ. Seriously? Mono and TMJ? That stopped me? It really ticks me off that this is what's stopping me from following my dreams. It hardly sounds like something that would stop someone who has dreams this big.

The funny part? Even after laying out all my unattainable dreams in the open, I don't regret dreaming big. Not even a little bit. Not even at all. Not even for a moment.

Ask me why. Go on, ask.

Because I still believe that dreams come true. I'm still going to follow mine. I believe that this setback, this challenge of great interest, is going to make living my dream that much sweeter. I believe there is a reason for everything. A reason for all of this.

A lot has happened within the past little while. I'll tell the story after I say this.

I've been thinking lately about the things I post on this blog and why I leave some parts of my life out. A part of me believes that there are certain things in life that are just too personal to share with other people and that those other people might not want to hear that part. I still believe that, but on the other hand I've come to the conclusion that whoever doesn't want to hear it, doesn't have to read. "It", in this context, is defined as everything that goes on in my life that I have something to say about, yet I leave it out of the blog. Main topics that fall under this category are my dating life and my spiritual and church life. So from now on, I Go There. If I feel like writing about those things (or anything else for that matter) I will. If I don't feel like it, I wont. The end. =)

So here is the story. I'm sick. Don't know what it is yet, therefore don't know how to fix it yet. Because of this, teaching in China is being postponed until we know what's going on and I get back on my feet. Making that decision is at the top of my list of hardest things I've ever had to do in my life this far. Right up there next to saying goodbye to Sam. (OH MY GOSH I SAID HIS NAME ON THE INTERNET. =) Hahaha!) Where was I? Oh yeah. China is postponed until future notice. Overall, I'm okay with that. (Although, I'm sure you'll hear me whining about this soon enough.)

School is on hold too. I withdrew from classes yesterday. So, for now, I'm omitting all stress from my life, and focusing on getting healthy. I'm keeping my part-time job. The plan is, as I get better I'll ease into life again. Whether it's China, college, massage therapy school, cello lessons, or Hogwarts. Seriously, the possibilities are endless. And I'm looking at ALL the possibilities. =)

I'm taking this time, not only to heal, but to also:

• enjoy the cherished company of my lovely family
• laugh hysterically with my crazy awesome friends
• learn what it is I was put in this world to do and figure out how to do it
• help out with the high school lacrosse team I started last year (Ran into Coach T today. And by "ran into" I mean that I went to the high school to see her. She doesn't have an assistant coach yet and wants me. I'm thinking, why not? If I'm feeling up to it, it will make me feel like less of a loser. I love lacrosse.)
  
• listen to the music note residing on my heart and do what it tells me to do
• the possibilities are endless... =) any ideas? (That means comment on this post, please.)

I wrote this last night, "Question for thought... Today I did some of the hardest things I've ever had to do, withdrawing from school and deciding to postpone China, so why is it that I'm happier right now than I have been in days? Weeks even?"

Could it be the stress relief? The empowering love and support I've received from family and friends? Actually making progress in some direction instead of just spinning wheels? Gratitude? Hope? I think it's a mixture of all.

Dear Family,

Thank you.

Love, Megan

I am a young man. Human life is a musical. I sing on a boat. A big ship. The song ends on the deck with a big splash. Another tsunami wave comes, threatening the boats stability. It's existence. I am not afraid. The ocean gives me peace. The boat is covered in water. The wave brought a girl with it. She lies on the deck as if she was washed up on shore. I begin to approach her and without a word she stands and takes my hand. Together we run, jump into the water and begin swimming to a new song. Her song. I can breathe under the water. Or can I just hold my breathe longer than I could before?

A blue whale shakes my panicked hand and greets me in English. Or do I just understand his language? I suppose the whale was the cause of the wave on the ship. The three of us swim together and I feel as if I can’t keep up. I hold onto the whale to carry me. Can a whale chuckle? We swim on. The familiar girl swims with elegance and expertise. It is beautiful. She is beautiful. Where have I seen her before? How do I know her?

Now I am the girl. I am me. I look at him and smile. I’ve finally found him. Now I will never let him go. We swim in silent understanding. I can feel his eyes adoring me as I twist and move and jump. Like a mermaid. But that is not what I am. He will soon understand. He will soon remember his life before. His life with me when we were in love. His life as one of us. A mammal of the sea.

I am fascinated. Why would I dream of being a whale? Is this weird to any one else?