I looked out the window and what did I see?...

Snow? In March?! It's supposed to be Spring.

Come.

On.

This is some kind of sick joke, isn't it? Well, it's not funny. I find no humor in this. None, whatsoever. And sure, some of you smile, sweetly and say, "Oh, it can't be that bad." Can and is. Snow is not welcome. And you know what I have to say to you people who happily accept this visit from the snow demon? :P Mmmmm!

I'm going to crawl into a hole and read a book now, because it's all I can do to keep from sobbing.

(See how I was complaining and being really annoying just then? And how I stomped my feet and threw a fit? See that? You secretly enjoyed it. Because you know I'm right. Admit it.)

I had my first lacrosse game of the season today. How did it go? Let's just say I got home and walked in the door and these words entered my mind. So I sang them. Loudly. Obnoxiously, even. If I'm not mistaken, I believe at one point I was on my knees with an air guitar. Rockin'. Score was 10-3.

So stick THAT in your juicebox and suck it! :P

I sometimes feel like my colors have faded. Like a black and white picture. Is it fatigue? Not likely. I feel gray. I feel lethargic. Somehow every song is too upbeat and all I want to do is hide. Not always, of course. It's like this slug comes around every once in a while to darken my existence and for a few days I get in this mood of solitude. It's possible that it's when my best writing comes out.

It amazes me how lonely I can feel when there is so much life and excitement around me. I can be surrounded by people who love and care about me but for some reason I don't want to accept it. I push people away. People I love. I'm sorry. I ask myself why I'm so irritable, so pessimistic, so stubborn. I think I figured it out today. These reasons are ridiculous but they make so much sense to me. They make the future hopeful.

Life is short. I can't spend it that way. Seize it. Taste. Learn. Experience. Another reason I want to travel. Maybe the color will return in a different form. Or maybe I have to wait for it to come back. Maybe this is something I have to endure. Maybe this feeling won't fully go away until a far off date.

I'm embarrassed that I feel this way. So much that I don't know if I'll click post. We'll see how I feel when I finish my thought.

I don't think this feeling is all that bad. There is a reason for every emotion. Although I'm not 100% sure what the reason behind this one is, I'll accept it. Embrace it even. Maybe something worthwhile will come of it. Then again, maybe not.

Song of the day.

My brain...

1. Monday was hard this week. Maybe just because it was a Monday or maybe I was feeling a little bit like this. Glad she was there to be lame with me. Two is better than one.

2. The next day was greeted with giggles and painful outbursts of joy. I flew around on my lacrosse stick pretending to be HP. Now all the boys think I'm crazy. Which makes me find it even more hilarious. "Where's the snitch?!"

3. I firmly believe I'm one of the funniest people living in this beautiful world. Also, highly entertaining. Yarr!

4. Today I was in seminary and thought: Why was this okay? If womanhood is so sacred and special, then why such disrespect? I, for one, would not be able to handle that. Maybe a reason why I am here and now. My heart goes out to those women. Even thought it's different now, it's a hard concept for me to understand. Not only do I find it difficult to accept, I feel personally disrespected.

5. Rose is looking especially attractive today. She is very smooth, very suave. Yet voluptuous at the same time. (Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!)

6. Lacrosse is great. (See #'s 2 and 3.)

7. Making a change with my internship. (Almost forgot this one. Funny, was the main reason I started this post.) I've been interning as a teacher at AFHS but... I'm not enjoying it as much as I thought I would. This, however, I believe I will. Are you ready? ... Writing. (I know. Yes, as a matter of fact, I DO enjoy being a word nerd.)

Here's the Plan:

• Research writing as a career
• Interview published authors about the process of writing and getting published and write report
• Writers Conference (March 21 & 22)
• Writing on a regular basis
• Blog posts (I know your heart just skipped a beat at the thought of more posts, I know. Try to contain your excitement. Breathing also helps.)
  
• Magazine articles
• Short stories & poetry
• Novel? (Daunting.)
  
• Submitting
• Articles, stories, poem to contests and magazines
• Go through process of writing, polishing, submitting
• Log submissions and results
• Interacting with "co-workers"
• Novel Prep exercises, March 24-31st
• Online "Book in a Month" event in April (through a writers website; make a word count goals and interact online with other writers)
• Report weekly on goals and progress and interaction

Now doesn't that sound a little more exciting and productive than sitting in the back of a class you've already taken and, on occasion, teaching what the teachers want, when they want, how they want? Yeah, I thought so, too.

8. Music is not consuming my life enough. I'm feeling a favorites post coming on. I have too many favorites. Maybe I'll have to go by genres. Don't hold your breath.

9. I also decided that books aren't consuming my life enough either. Maybe after my English paper I'll read something on my list. (Yes, I really do have a list. It's quite lengthy, too. I carry it with my in my day planner and add to it as I think of more I want to read.)

And she lived happily ever after. The end. Ha.

Song of the day: "You're a Wolf" by Sea Wolf
(This song reminds me of summer, grass fights in the park. Also, makes me feel like a gypsy. Mel will have something to say about that. ;) I like being a gypsy.)