I went to the Draper Temple Open House yesterday.

We drove around it a few times to take some pictures.

What shade of blue would you say the sky was? My opinion: Glorious Blue. Coming soon to a Crayola box near you. (ha?)

Seriously, the weather lately has been splendid. As long as the sun is out, I'm happy.


I was so excited to see it. I can't even describe it. It was breathtakingly beautiful. If you're in the area, I suggest going to see it.


In certain rooms there are hand painted murals on the walls. They reminded me of Grandpa Ross. Made me think of some of his paintings I've seen. Which sent me into a whirlwind of thoughts and memories. I have a memory of going to church with Gpa Ross and Gma Lyn. (Maybe a cousin's mission farewell/homecoming? Not sure. It's fuzzy.) I remember sitting next to my wonderful grandparents. Grandpa had doodled on the program. Trees, mountains, rivers, bears, deer. I remember watching the way he held the pen and let it outline the figures. Easily guiding it to create beauty. I sat in awe at how quickly and gracefully he created a landscape. If you asked me who my favorite artist is, my answer would most likely be Ross Davis.



Thinking about him made me think of Lyn. (Well, that or the fact that I was wearing her shoes.) How much I miss her. All my memories of her are from my childhood and early teen years. I wish I could know her and see her through my new "big kid" lenses. But as I was walking through those rooms with handcrafted furniture and original artwork, I felt her smiling down on me. I felt her arms wrap me up into a tight, warm hug. That's special to me.

On the way back, we stopped at the store. And by "we" I mean me, the boy, and the china man.

Side note: the china man=one of the coolest persons I've ever met. We found cool sunglasses and decided to take pictures.

The end.

I feel the want to post something here. Just don't know what to say. Maybe I'll throw some pictures in. Life is good. Wonderful and spectacular. Any questions? Anything you wish I would write about? I'm drawing a blank. Open for ideas.

I want to start the word of the day again. I miss that. And I want to start taking more pictures. So I'm going to post a picture at least every week. Whatever I feel like. Also, I hereby decree that every post from here on out will be a line from a song. Probably one that's stuck in my head or that I'm currently listening to. If I start slacking with any of these, I give you full permission to hassle me about my laziness.

Now I'm going to go eat some cheese.


P.S. His name is Kendall.
























What do you think?

Since my last post I...

• went to a specialist who took blood from my body and later told me I have mono.
• went to another specialist who told me I also have TMJ. I now have a splint/retainer/thing that I wear when I sleep and a few hours during the day. It's supposed to fix everything. People make fun of me.
  
• played lots of beans. Lost every game but I'm still obsessed with it!
  
• went on a date.
  
• set my best friend up with her potential future boyfriend. Just call me Emma.
  
• got into a war with these. And won. Which, in fact, was the same night as the two previous bullets.
  
• went to Taco Tuesday with the guys I've been hanging around lately to fill the void of my friends on missions. But don't worry, I'm not using them. They do more than fill the void, we have lots o fun. If anything, they use me so they can say they actually got a girl to come this week. Yep, they really said that.
  
• simply ha-ad a wonderful Christmas time!

That's pretty much it. I met a Chinese guy today. Long story short, he was my friends mission companion and he will be attending UVU. Pretty much awesome. I took a few moments to be sad about my China plans falling through. If anything, my desire to go to China has increased. It was really cool to talk to him. I wish I could speak Chinese. It's a beautiful language.

Right now I'm waiting for a night of fun to begin with some friends. I predict laughing.

A lot has happened within the past little while. I'll tell the story after I say this.

I've been thinking lately about the things I post on this blog and why I leave some parts of my life out. A part of me believes that there are certain things in life that are just too personal to share with other people and that those other people might not want to hear that part. I still believe that, but on the other hand I've come to the conclusion that whoever doesn't want to hear it, doesn't have to read. "It", in this context, is defined as everything that goes on in my life that I have something to say about, yet I leave it out of the blog. Main topics that fall under this category are my dating life and my spiritual and church life. So from now on, I Go There. If I feel like writing about those things (or anything else for that matter) I will. If I don't feel like it, I wont. The end. =)

So here is the story. I'm sick. Don't know what it is yet, therefore don't know how to fix it yet. Because of this, teaching in China is being postponed until we know what's going on and I get back on my feet. Making that decision is at the top of my list of hardest things I've ever had to do in my life this far. Right up there next to saying goodbye to Sam. (OH MY GOSH I SAID HIS NAME ON THE INTERNET. =) Hahaha!) Where was I? Oh yeah. China is postponed until future notice. Overall, I'm okay with that. (Although, I'm sure you'll hear me whining about this soon enough.)

School is on hold too. I withdrew from classes yesterday. So, for now, I'm omitting all stress from my life, and focusing on getting healthy. I'm keeping my part-time job. The plan is, as I get better I'll ease into life again. Whether it's China, college, massage therapy school, cello lessons, or Hogwarts. Seriously, the possibilities are endless. And I'm looking at ALL the possibilities. =)

I'm taking this time, not only to heal, but to also:

• enjoy the cherished company of my lovely family
• laugh hysterically with my crazy awesome friends
• learn what it is I was put in this world to do and figure out how to do it
• help out with the high school lacrosse team I started last year (Ran into Coach T today. And by "ran into" I mean that I went to the high school to see her. She doesn't have an assistant coach yet and wants me. I'm thinking, why not? If I'm feeling up to it, it will make me feel like less of a loser. I love lacrosse.)
  
• listen to the music note residing on my heart and do what it tells me to do
• the possibilities are endless... =) any ideas? (That means comment on this post, please.)

I wrote this last night, "Question for thought... Today I did some of the hardest things I've ever had to do, withdrawing from school and deciding to postpone China, so why is it that I'm happier right now than I have been in days? Weeks even?"

Could it be the stress relief? The empowering love and support I've received from family and friends? Actually making progress in some direction instead of just spinning wheels? Gratitude? Hope? I think it's a mixture of all.

Dear Family,

Thank you.

Love, Megan

I've been ignoring you, blog. I'm sorry. I'll try to stop. It's not that I haven't had any blog worthy experiences, thoughts, or words. I have. I really have. Lots of them too. Like the Jon Schmidt concert I went to. And the seasons changing. And music. And books. And adventures. And WOTD. And questions. And learns. Believe me when I say this: It's not you, it's me.

I've learned a few things while I've avoided posting:

1. College is hard.
2. Working at a restaurant and going to school full-time... is hard.
3. When you are doing numbers 1 and 2, it's not smart to sit at home and play music during your free time like you want to. (Unless, of course, music is your major. Which I have to admit... that sounds really good right now. Reallly good.)
4. All these things will wear you out. And if you're not careful, you'll get sick.
5. And tired.
6. And you won't be able to sleep.
7. And when you do sleep, you'll find it very hard to wake up.
8. And you'll get sick.
   

My sisters cracked jokes the other day when I told them I might quit my job and take a job at a new bookstore that's opening next week. It was funny. Well, I took the job. Because the restaurant? Might just maybe possibly a little bit sorta be the cause of numbers 4-7. Maybe.

Okay, it totally is. And just the thought of a less stressful job is helping me come out of my cave. Because I've been hibernating. If you've seen me within the past couple weeks, I wasn't really conscious. I was sleep walking.

Concerning China:

• Fuqing is indeed pronounced Fuching.
• The ILP program is new to the school at which I will be teaching. Which means that I'm the first impression. And most likely, these kids don't know a lick of English. Exciting! Daunting!
  
• I'm not excited for the medical forms I need to fill out.
• I want your opinion on something, dear blog. They say that the teachers in the program get a lot of downtime. One girl said that when she went to China, she read 17 books. SEVENTEEN. That makes me drool. But I have a problem, I wont have room in my luggage to pack SEVENTEEN books. Plus, what if I don't get to all SEVENTEEN? What if I finish all of them and get bored? So, I'm looking into electronic book readers. I also think that this would be cheaper than buying every book I want to read and bringing it with me. I like this one and this one. I'm going to try to get a deal on eBay, so let me know what you think! Also, if you know of any other models that are good, I'm interested.

I promise to not be gone so long this time.

Surprise! The festivities started early with six close besties and this, on Friday afternoon.

"My name is Optimus Prime. We are autonomous robotic organisms from the planet Cybertron."

New boyfriend? Perhaps. Oh, who am I kidding? How can you resist those guns? (Haha! Get it?!)

Pinata! Pinata! Pinata!

I wish I had taken a picture of all who were there. My friend from Layton drove all the way here just for me. I'm loved.

Saturday was a happy birthday! It started with a delicious breakfast with Laney and Caley. Got distracted on the way home and went for a test drive.

Sasha.

The sky looks cool through the mirror.

Then I saw it again. I will never tire from that movie. Ever.

I will never ever ever grow up.

A friend of a friend was having a back to school party. That's where I met the teeter totter. Also where I met a new friend. From Australia. With an accent. Yep, that just happened. I wish I could talk like that. Or maybe I just wish I could hear people talk like that all the time.

One of my favorite birthdays. Throughout the day I said many things like, "Can you drive? It's my birthday." or "You should let me eat some of your french fries. Why? Because it's my birthday."

I got two other surprises here and here. Thank you! =)

And one of my best friends sent me this.

Yep. It fits.

Song of the day. -- OH MY AWESWOME!

It's been a while. I know. Last week was very busy. Family events galore. Most of them in honor of these two people loving each other.

My brother, Chris, and his new wife, Ashley.

I got a niece out of that happy day. Ashley's two-year-old daughter, Destiny. She has our entire family wrapped around her finger. This was taken the Sunday before the wedding with her Pooh. Or PB as she calls him.

You are my sunshine.


Elle and Destiny.

And another recent picture.

Don't freak. I took it at a stoplight.

And tomorrow is my first day of college. People ask me if I'm nervous, or excited, or what? I tell them I don't know. I really try not to think about it. I try not to get eager for much of anything so as to not let myself down.

Like birthdays. My eighteenth is approaching quickly. I fear a let down. I smell disappointment.

I wish I were small again and let downs didn't exist. I could wear a cardboard tiara with my sunshiny hair resting on my shoulders and blow out a handful of candles on a cake with Winnie the Pooh characters on it. All would be lovely.

But since then, I have experienced. The memories from past years have made me cautious when it comes to the 30th. A memory of anticipation. Someone is planning a surprise. It's a happy one. And I'm surrrre to love it! And all my friends will be going to the pool and playing and sliding and splashing and laughing. And there will be a mermaid on my cake! And I will have my big fluffy beach towel to lay on. Oh, but that year it rained on my birthday. All day long. No outside for me.

And a few years later my bestest!friend!ever! went to California and bought my present there. She just knows I'll love it! -- Sorry, love. Not my style. Or size. Didn't wear it once. The friendship didn't last. But not because of my birthday.

And it's not that all my birthdays have been terrible. I've only learned my lesson, that's all. Don't think about it. Don't wonder. Don't daydream. Don't get your hopes up for something great. You'll only be let down.

Last year was a great one. But let's not talk about that. Those are memories that will only make me miss my friend more.

There have been many good ones along the way. Enough for me to still believe in good birthdays.

But part of me wants this year to be just like any other day. Because what if it rains on my pool party? What if a wonderful!surprise! turns out to be a lame jacket? What if I lose another friend? Because it's Doyle's birthday too. I don't want it forgotten. What if I'm continually misunderstood as I often feel I am?

The other part of me wants to do something like this or this. Because I can. And because it looks like freedom to me. Just so you all know, my mother just began holding her abdomen and rocking herself back and forth, wincing. Because just the thought of me jumping from high altitudes makes her want to stop whatever she's doing and race me to the nearest tattoo parlor to get something ridiculous permanently etched into my forehead because anything would be better than this. Also because she knows it's a safe offer and that I will always refuse a needle.

But, in all honesty, I'm not hard to please. I don't need something extravagant, or outrageous. I don't WANT it. I'm a very simply person. All I want is memories with the people I love. Smiles and laughter. Friendship and comfort. Hugs and small talk.

Songs of days that have passed.

"The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping I dreamt I held you in my arms." -I don't know her. But I like the way she sings this.

"They don't know what I've been through like you do." - I love the emotion in her voice.

"Why oh why can't I?" -- I saw one the other day. I wanted to chase it. Find where it touched the earth. The party pooper I was with made fun of me. No worries, I stopped hanging around that poser.

"Write down the thoughts of the moment. Those that come unsought for are commonly the most valuable."
--Francis Bacon

Do you remember when I wanted a pair of glasses but didn't buy them and regretted it? Let's just say that someone out there loves me. Because these were in a box with my name on them on my doorstep today. There is no way to know who it's from.

Not just the fake glasses but the sunglasses, too.

Yes, people, someone out there does love me. Someone who reads this blog and knows where I live. Someone who wants to make me feel special and loved. Yes, yes, I feel all warm and fuzzy on the inside. All nerdy, and old school on the outside.

Mystery Giver, you made me so happy I actually smiled for the camera. What a concept!

Behind me? On the wall? It says, "I believe in fairies". I do, indeed! I also believe in the greatness of humanity. Oh, Mysterious One! You shouldn't have! But thank you very much anyways.

"Remind me not to go there, the weather affects my knee." - Song of the day.

My friend came home from college. For good. I'm so happy. I didn't realize how much I missed her until I saw her again. She's my home girl. Friday we filled our tummys, had a sparkling conversation, and saw this. She hadn't seen it yet so of course we had to go. I loved it the second time too. We laughed so hard. And then when I saw her next, I stood and yelled, "Will ya look at what the tide brought in?" And then we giggled.

One of my dear friends came for a visit on Saturday. We (him, me, other friend) went to all night bowling. They turned the lights out and put on those funky ones that make everything glow. I'm a terrible bowler. But I did win two glow sticks during the little game by getting two strikes. It was the first time I've enjoyed bowling in a long time. We chatted and reminisced. Missed our best friend together. (It's been eight months, only sixteen left. Not that I'm counting or anything....) He misses him more than he shows. I can tell by the way he talks about him. I wonder if I use the same tone when his name is brought up. If my face has the same expression. I try not to show it if I'm sad.

I decided that bowling shoes are the bee's knees.

And today. Was just splendid. It was wonderful and uplifting. I was so thirsty for spirit and warmth. I'm filled to the brim.

Song of the day. - That sweater! Goodness.

I went to MAMMA MIA! with my Mamma Mia. I couldn't really stop laughing. And I didn't want to. It was that good. Of course, it doesn't take much to entertain me. I mean, I'm the girl who can tell her favorite joke repeatedly and still think it's the funniest thing ever. What's my favorite joke? I'll tell you.

Me: Okay, okay. Ask me if I'm an orange.
You: Are you an orange?
Me: (Fit of ab working laughter, ferocious shake of the head) No!

Can I live in Greece? I fell in love. The way the sun shined off the water. The aged hotel. Everything was so white. Mixed with blue. Art. Simply Beautiful.

I decided this song will forever be able to put me in a good mood when I'm feeling down. And this one. Oh, boy.

My favorite part about the movie? It started a conversation about music, family, and life lessons that made my heart smile.

Other things I did today:

• Went to a volunteer meeting for this.
• Bought a shirt and a swimsuit.
• Gave my spleen to food poisoning. On a date. The most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to me. And I'm not easily embarrassed.

Song of the day.

Six of us went long boarding/scootering down Provo canyon tonight. Oh, the beauty. There was a fire at Bridal Veil. (Don't worry, we didn't start from that far up.) Made me miss my brother.

We decided to form ourselves into a gang. The long board/scooter gang of Provo canyon. We pretty much owned that mountain tonight.

We seemed to just glide down the paved path at a comfortable speed. Fast enough for the feeling of freedom to sink in. Slow enough to look around and really see my surroundings.

Rain. The only thing that could have made it better. Just one of those light sprinkles that lightly mist your face and make the rocks smell like summer. There's something different about the world on summer nights. It makes my brain ponder. It makes my heart race. It makes my soul feel connected to something bigger. Nature.

Sprinklers. We found some. She and I ran through them while the others watched in hidden envy.

It's been too long, I know. I've had things to talk about here but I've forgotten most of them. Here is what I remember.

Me likey the Sobe.

Do you ever get so freaked out and nervous that your stomach and your heart decide to switch places? Except your stomach goes to your throat? I was surprised they didn't run into each other on their way to making me franticly search for an escape route. I was completely distracted the rest of the day. I almost stole the basket from the store when I walked out. I felt like taking a nap. It was weird.

What else? Oh, I got a job. It happened very quickly. I like it. We listen to very random music when we work. One minute it's rap, the next it's country, then pop, then some acoustic guitar. And everyone sings to all of it. Mostly. It makes me laugh.

I'm getting lots better at whistling! I don't look like a duck anymore. My goal is to be able to whistle "Happy Birthday" to myself on my birthday. "Whoa, dream big!"

My twitter today didn't work. It was supposed to say, "It almost makes me sad that I don't seem to fit in with girls, but then I remember how much I HATE THEM. And then I call a guy and say... Hey dude, wanna try and beat me in basketball?"

So, I'm going to go play basketball now. Or something like that. Whatever. =)

Sunshine! Ahhh.

Song of the day. -LOVE THIS SONG.

• listened to this song (hello, hello. HOLA!)
• looked at pictures
• wished I could fly-for numerous reasons
  
• learned more about this fantastic inspiration
  
• went to Juice Press
• received a "special assignment"
  
• went on a mobile stakeout for sprinklers
• ran through them
  
• giggled with friends
  
• updated my iPod
• giggled some more
• took pictures
• ate two string cheeses... let's make that three
  
• pondered about summer, the love I have for all my friends (including you, yes, you), and music
• wondered what my 20-year-old face will look like
• 30-year-old?
• 40?
• washed it

"Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart." ~William Wordsworth

I think it's TOTALLY AWESOME that his last name is WORDSworth, don't you?

Song of the day. Lyrics.

I think I've been avoiding my blog lately. This week kind of went crazy on me.

A boy who went to my high school took his own life on Wednesday. Heartbreaking. I didn't know him very well. But I did know him. I can't help but wonder the "What ifs". What if I could have done something to help him? But I wouldn't have known to reach out to him because he seemed like one of the happiest kids I knew. He was the one bringing comic relief to the crowd. Always had a smile on his face. I stole his ring pop at a football game. He chased me down and stole it back. We then proceeded to cheer our classmates to a victory.

Things like this make me think. Carpe Diem, right? He died at 17. It makes me think how fragile life is. I'll remember him.

On a brighter note, I got two awesome books this week. One of them will be a coffee table book when I move out. Just call me a hippie. Because I am. "All you need is love." It's very awesome. It's... gooeyooeyastic! (I make up words sometimes. Deal with it.) The other, well, lets just say I think this guy is becoming one of my idols.

I'm thinking that the guys who sang to me on my run this morning are calming. Knocked some sense and reason into me. It just gave me a good start for the day. I'm looking up. Still slightly melancholy, pondering. But good.


Song of the day. --Awesome, right? It fits me today.

So, I've been home since Sunday. Sorry if any of you worried about my not blogging. You probably sat there wondering if I died in a freak car accident just moments after I crossed the state line. You probably shed a tear or two. Probably. I apologize. I'm alive. To make up for causing you so much grief, I'll ramble on a lot in this post. Mostly because I feel like it. But is that really making up for anything? No. It probably makes it worse. In that case, feel free to ignore this post.

First things first, I'm so glad I got home in time to go to the Father's day BBQ. I love my family. I missed you all so much. So much. I thoroughly enjoy your company. Sometimes I look around at all of you and think, "Wow. I am so lucky. I can't believe I got THEM." Really. I couldn't ever want anything different about my family. Love. Much of it.

I had a hair appointment today. That girl is awesome. She makes hair look so easy. Also, she still (still!) thinks I'm going to marry her brother. Who is on a mission. Who I have never met. And I probably won't. Sorry. I bet he'll come home and I'll be in a non-dating phase. Like now. Because I feel one of those coming on. No more silly boys. I just want to read or something instead.

Anyways, I'll be in this anti-boy mood. Then a few months later, (like say... January 2010?) I'll magically come out of it. And by magic I mean that one person will come home. I'll catch up with my best friend. And run through fields of daisies. And find rainbows. And chase clouds. And eat ice cream. And float around, hanging from a bouquet of balloons.

And of course somewhere in my future lies twelve kids and a perfect garden that everyone wants to... ruin. Because it's so perfect. Too perfect. Same with my house. (Because it will be neat and tidy always.) And my twelve kids. (And by twelve you meant six, right?) And me. And my husband. All perfect. Because me? Yeah, I'm so perfect. Always.

Do you remember when I predicted that the Celtics would be NBA champions? I think I may have mentioned it in passing. Well they won. I have a sixth sense. Sometimes I just know things.

So my question of the day is this. Am I still so perfect when I take gloating to my friend, a Laker's fan, about Boston's victory too far?

Didn't think so. Sorry.

Disclaimer: This may just be the most random post I've ever created. Please note that I am tired.

oh.my.gosh. BED! Why didn't you tell me you were waiting for me? I was upstairs being really lame and you didn't even call my name. It's okay, I forgive you. Know why? Because you are soooo comfy. Bed, this might sound really weird and random, but as I was preparing to meet you tonight, a series of questions came to mind. They are as follows. Do your ears hang low? Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow?

Signed up for something called college today. The sadists who run the establishment claim to be able to arm me with all needed to succeed in this mad, wild world. (Oh baby, baby it's a wild world.) I say, whatever. Maybe because it's late and I'm tired. But seriously? What if I think I can figure the world out on my own? As in, without the pontifications of professors who are oh, so wise. Yes, maybe I'm really just too tired.

"You are a brilliant wizard." -I totally said that today. And! it wasn't considered weird.

My brain is sprinting right now. It's not even accomplishing anything. This frustrates me.

I'm loving her today. A lot. My favorites? This, this, this, and most definitely this. This very possibly sings directly to my heart, reminding me of something I still struggle with.

The Celtics will mutilate the Lakers. I know it. I can feel it in my bones. I have a knack for these types of things. You could go as far as saying I'm psychic. Because I am. Ps- I love you.

I enjoyed quietly harmonizing with my sister today at the office.

I've recently come to realize that because I tend to naturally get along better with guys, the next few years of my life will be spent saying goodbye to my closest friends. For two years. It's already begun and I can feel it continuing as more and more farewells make their appearances on my calender. I don't want to be consoled. I'm just throwin' that one out there.

Attempting sleep now.

Rode the tracks into SLC to watch this. I decided UTA is my favorite form of transportation. As we rode, I reminisced about my trip to Boston with my radio class.

The KPGR kids at a park.

We took The T everywhere we went. It helped me soak in the culture. The people watching was in great supply on The T. The high school boys riding to a football game with all their gear; the entire crowded subway, including me, randomly breaking into song after a Celtics game (This happened after every sports game we went to. Coincidence? I think not.); the alcohol ad that made a video out of pictures on the wall when we looked out the window. I miss that place. (I realized I never blogged about this. Comment if you want more pictures and stories.)

After the movie, I went to lunch with my coaches and the team captains for next year. Never had Thai food before. I told my coaches they had to teach me how to order in Thai so I could sound cool if I decided to take a date there. Impressive, right? I know.

Later, I went here. It was fantastic and hilarious. So funny that one or two of the actors momentarily broke character to snicker. This, of course, made it even more enjoyable for the audience.

Song of the day.

This weekend and today...

1. Saturday and Sunday my mind was filled with important words. I don't know which ones to study more closely and attempt to live by first. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe will have to suffice.

2. You. Are. Brilliant. -- A friend of mine said those words to me the other day. Not because I needed a boost or a pep talk. And not because I was fishing for compliments either. It really stuck with me. Our conversation started playful as we called each other geniuses and nerds and then Friend said you don't believe me? I, being the silly girl that I am, thought we were still teasing and kept my sarcastic tone. And then I received that flattering compliment. What Friend had to say about me next, surprised me. Friend said that I knew the answers to life's questions. I found myself laughing because come on! Me? Not likely. Thoughtful? Sure. Smart? Fine. Brilliant? That's just not me.

Or is it?

It made me think... is the girl I know as Megan the same as the one others know as Megan? Do I see myself the same way others see me? I feel like I'm not wording this right. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't think I'm awesome. I'm fabulous, people! But I see myself from a certain perspective, one that only I can see. Others see me from another perspective that I can't see. I think we often look up to other people's examples and try to be more like them. Maybe, what we don't realize is that they are looking up to our examples, trying to be more like us. Well, if I had realized that before, maybe I wouldn't have done this, or that. Shrug. No regrets. Only lessons learned.

3. Yoga is soooo much awesome!

4. Rainy days are for Jack Johnson. I heard the pitter patter on my window this morning and it was the only thing that got me out of bed. I love rain. So much more than snow. I looked out my window and saw... hail? What? Hm.... Whatev. It works. My feet were wet all day. For some reason I didn't mind.

5. Did you know there's a reason they call it "snail mail"? Why didn't you tell me? No worries, I now know.

6. I'm only 29 pages into The Bridge At Andau and can I just say that IT TOTALLY ROCKS!

7. Wanna know a secret? Me too. But SOMEONE won't tell me. Cough. Laney. Ahem.

Song of the day. "Wait. They don't love you like I love you." It's bobbing around my head.

I looked out the window and what did I see?...

Snow? In March?! It's supposed to be Spring.

Come.

On.

This is some kind of sick joke, isn't it? Well, it's not funny. I find no humor in this. None, whatsoever. And sure, some of you smile, sweetly and say, "Oh, it can't be that bad." Can and is. Snow is not welcome. And you know what I have to say to you people who happily accept this visit from the snow demon? :P Mmmmm!

I'm going to crawl into a hole and read a book now, because it's all I can do to keep from sobbing.

(See how I was complaining and being really annoying just then? And how I stomped my feet and threw a fit? See that? You secretly enjoyed it. Because you know I'm right. Admit it.)

I sometimes feel like my colors have faded. Like a black and white picture. Is it fatigue? Not likely. I feel gray. I feel lethargic. Somehow every song is too upbeat and all I want to do is hide. Not always, of course. It's like this slug comes around every once in a while to darken my existence and for a few days I get in this mood of solitude. It's possible that it's when my best writing comes out.

It amazes me how lonely I can feel when there is so much life and excitement around me. I can be surrounded by people who love and care about me but for some reason I don't want to accept it. I push people away. People I love. I'm sorry. I ask myself why I'm so irritable, so pessimistic, so stubborn. I think I figured it out today. These reasons are ridiculous but they make so much sense to me. They make the future hopeful.

Life is short. I can't spend it that way. Seize it. Taste. Learn. Experience. Another reason I want to travel. Maybe the color will return in a different form. Or maybe I have to wait for it to come back. Maybe this is something I have to endure. Maybe this feeling won't fully go away until a far off date.

I'm embarrassed that I feel this way. So much that I don't know if I'll click post. We'll see how I feel when I finish my thought.

I don't think this feeling is all that bad. There is a reason for every emotion. Although I'm not 100% sure what the reason behind this one is, I'll accept it. Embrace it even. Maybe something worthwhile will come of it. Then again, maybe not.

Song of the day.