It was such an adventure. I really needed it. I have a lot of great stories from it. Should I tell you some?

We drove a lot. Stopped in Vegas for a while. When we got to California, we checked into our hotel and decided we would race the sun to the beach. It didn't work. We couldn't find it? We used a GPS system to get around (for some reason the GPS nickname is Gina?) and she got us lost. But it was cool. When ever she would hassle us for taking a wrong turn, we replied in unison with, "Shut up, Gina!" We just ate some In & Out and called it a night.

The next morning we tried to get last minute tickets to Ellen DeGeneres. No luck. I was pretty sad. (Next time, next time.) We went to Hollywood (I'll tell you right now, that place is a JOKE. Like Las Vegas except less strippers and more lame.) where Caley SWEARS she saw Nicole Richie walking down the street. (She didn't.)

We also saw the LA temple. Which is MASSIVE.

Cool nature.

Then? Then we went to the beach. And my passionate love affair with the ocean was awakened. I love it there. Everyone loves the ocean. Why? I'm still trying to figure that out. But I know why I love the ocean.

So we were driving. Saw these. On the beach. Pulled over.

It's because it makes me feel good. It's peaceful. And happy. And it plays with all my senses. And whales live in it. Also, sea turtles and sharks and fishies and and... dolphins and... cool stuff. I want to see a whale someday. I'm still totally obsessed with them. It makes no sense.

I'm afraid of seagulls. I'll tell you why. When I was in grade school we went on a field trip and stopped at a park for lunch. I was terrorized by seagulls. They ate my lunch and pooped on me. It was horrifying and scarring. Can't say I ever really got over it. Caley peer pressured me into facing my fears. The result? Well, I'll let you watch for yourselves. In my defense, THEY WERE GOING TO EAT ME. I title this video "Megan vs. Satan Seagulls". Enjoy.



Caley wanted to go to Hearst Castle. And me? Well, I didn't care because I had no idea what it was or why it was supposed to be cool. So we went there but missed the last tour of the day. I was glad because I didn't want to pay 20 bucks just to walk around some rich guys house. Caley wanted to take a look around the gift store and learn more so I looked at books about whales and elephant seals. The following conversation we had is sure to bring a smile.

Caley: Holy crap, Meg. This castle is huge. It's ridiculous that he felt the need to build something this crazy.
Megan: Well, maybe he had a big family. Gotta put 'em all somewhere, right?
C: He didn't have any family.
M: How do YOU know?
C: Megan, do you even know who William Hearst is?
M: William Hearst... Wait a sec. WILLIAM HEARST? As in, Pulitzer and Hearst?
C: Yes. I thought you knew that.
M: As in, "Pulitzer and Hearst they think they got us, do they got us? No!"?
C: Duh.
M: We need to leave... NOW.
C: Why?
M: We're ENCOURAGING him.
C: He's dead!
M: He still knows we're here! He's probably watching all these people paying money to look at his stuff and cackling at his evil success. (Shaking my fist at the ceiling) Not me, Hearst! Not me! (To Caley) Don't even think about buying that book!

Side note: Yes, I realize that I formed an opinion about this man purely on a 1992 Disney movie. A musical no less. I'm totally okay with that.

Then we went to San Francisco. Where we saw more seals. AWESOME. And looked around, shopped at the pier and China Town and Ghirardelli square. We saw many great things.

This is China Town.

BABY BUM!

There was a bum playing his guitar and singing things like "My name's Eddie, wanna go steady? Gimme a penny so I can buy me some spaghetti!" or "My name's Joe, gimme some dough!" It made me laugh really loud. Caley wasn't very amused. Not sure why. Maybe I'm just easily entertained. I love people.

Oakland.

That's about it. The drive home was long but we entertained ourselves.

I think the word "heal" really means to do absolutely nothing and watch while everyone else follows their dreams.

Since I decided to stay home from China, I have been doing better than I expected. Pretty great actually. My family is so supportive and patient through all this. My friends are fantastic. And this guy who randomly popped into my life has done wonders for my mood. Haze all you want, he's becoming my best friend.

Today it hit me. I'm not going to China in February. I'm not going to school either. I'm just here. I work about twice a week. And the rest of the time I'm contemplating what I'm going to do with my life. And not just for the spring semester. What am I going to do with my LIFE? If I do decide to go back to school, what on earth am I going to study? Because school seems really pointless if I don't have a goal. An end result as motivation. A class that I actually enjoy.

I'm not only completely in the dark about my future; I'm pissed.

Because I was going to teach children in China. I can't express how badly I wanted to do that. I was going to teach them and fall in love with them. I was going to miss home, yes, but I was going to follow my dreams.

I was going to cry when I left to come back home because of all the wonderful discoveries, friends, and memories I had made. I was going to cherish my semester in China for the rest of my life. I was going to tell everyone about the people I met and the things I learned about the world and myself.

I was going to tell my children about it. And maybe I would have sparked a sense of adventure in them as well. And they would think, "Wow. I can't believe Mom really did all of that. She's so cool. I want to be like her someday. I want to travel the world too. I bet she'd even come with me if I asked her." Future children, I would. I so would! In a heartbeat, I would be on a plane with you wherever you wanted to go. You would lead the way and we would discover this beautiful world together. On your terms. In your own way.

I was going to go to China. I was going to submerge myself in a new everything. I was going to teach those kids. And play with them. Laugh with them. Sing songs with them. Learn from them.

I was going to stand on The Great Wall of China. I was going to stand there, stretch my arms out, close my eyes, and remember that moment when I was 9 and I learned about The Great Wall in school and I thought to myself, "I want to go there. I want to go there so badly." I was going to remember that moment when China felt so out of reach. That moment when I was small and the world was big and there was no way I could find a way to get there. Not in a million years. I would remember that moment and think, "The world is big. I am small. But I can do big things anyways."

I was going to check something off my life list.

I was going to be the girl who actually followed her dreams. The girl who didn't just talk about traveling the world and learning new things everyday, but actually did it.

I was going to do all those things and more. And now (pardon the pessimism) I'm living at home in Happy Valley with crushed dreams and nothing to do while watching all my friends go to school to follow their own dreams. Why? Because I'm healing. From mono and TMJ. Seriously? Mono and TMJ? That stopped me? It really ticks me off that this is what's stopping me from following my dreams. It hardly sounds like something that would stop someone who has dreams this big.

The funny part? Even after laying out all my unattainable dreams in the open, I don't regret dreaming big. Not even a little bit. Not even at all. Not even for a moment.

Ask me why. Go on, ask.

Because I still believe that dreams come true. I'm still going to follow mine. I believe that this setback, this challenge of great interest, is going to make living my dream that much sweeter. I believe there is a reason for everything. A reason for all of this.

There was a rebroadcast of the Opening Ceremonies of the Beijing Olympics 2008 on Saturday. I watched some of it and was reminded of the answer to the questions people would ask me frequently.

"Why China? Why teach?"

These questions would send me into a whirlwind of thought and reflection. I would be tempted to return those questions with some of my own.

Is it possible to watch those performances and not be inspired?

Is it possible to learn about the symbolism in a seemingly simple Chinese character and not find universal truths?

Is it possible to see the innocent and sincere smile on a child's face and not feel a little warmth in your heart as well?

Is it possible to learn of the history and culture of these people and not stand in awe?

I'm fascinated with the people, language, culture, place. I'm curious about it all. I want to learn more, more, more.

Now, I'm often asked whether I'll be going to China after I heal or if it's out completely. I realize that anything can happen between now and when I'm back to full health. I realize that at any given moment, something could change my mind. But for now, I still want to go. And I know that someday I will. That's enough for me right now.

Since my last post I...

• went to a specialist who took blood from my body and later told me I have mono.
• went to another specialist who told me I also have TMJ. I now have a splint/retainer/thing that I wear when I sleep and a few hours during the day. It's supposed to fix everything. People make fun of me.
  
• played lots of beans. Lost every game but I'm still obsessed with it!
  
• went on a date.
  
• set my best friend up with her potential future boyfriend. Just call me Emma.
  
• got into a war with these. And won. Which, in fact, was the same night as the two previous bullets.
  
• went to Taco Tuesday with the guys I've been hanging around lately to fill the void of my friends on missions. But don't worry, I'm not using them. They do more than fill the void, we have lots o fun. If anything, they use me so they can say they actually got a girl to come this week. Yep, they really said that.
  
• simply ha-ad a wonderful Christmas time!

That's pretty much it. I met a Chinese guy today. Long story short, he was my friends mission companion and he will be attending UVU. Pretty much awesome. I took a few moments to be sad about my China plans falling through. If anything, my desire to go to China has increased. It was really cool to talk to him. I wish I could speak Chinese. It's a beautiful language.

Right now I'm waiting for a night of fun to begin with some friends. I predict laughing.

A lot has happened within the past little while. I'll tell the story after I say this.

I've been thinking lately about the things I post on this blog and why I leave some parts of my life out. A part of me believes that there are certain things in life that are just too personal to share with other people and that those other people might not want to hear that part. I still believe that, but on the other hand I've come to the conclusion that whoever doesn't want to hear it, doesn't have to read. "It", in this context, is defined as everything that goes on in my life that I have something to say about, yet I leave it out of the blog. Main topics that fall under this category are my dating life and my spiritual and church life. So from now on, I Go There. If I feel like writing about those things (or anything else for that matter) I will. If I don't feel like it, I wont. The end. =)

So here is the story. I'm sick. Don't know what it is yet, therefore don't know how to fix it yet. Because of this, teaching in China is being postponed until we know what's going on and I get back on my feet. Making that decision is at the top of my list of hardest things I've ever had to do in my life this far. Right up there next to saying goodbye to Sam. (OH MY GOSH I SAID HIS NAME ON THE INTERNET. =) Hahaha!) Where was I? Oh yeah. China is postponed until future notice. Overall, I'm okay with that. (Although, I'm sure you'll hear me whining about this soon enough.)

School is on hold too. I withdrew from classes yesterday. So, for now, I'm omitting all stress from my life, and focusing on getting healthy. I'm keeping my part-time job. The plan is, as I get better I'll ease into life again. Whether it's China, college, massage therapy school, cello lessons, or Hogwarts. Seriously, the possibilities are endless. And I'm looking at ALL the possibilities. =)

I'm taking this time, not only to heal, but to also:

• enjoy the cherished company of my lovely family
• laugh hysterically with my crazy awesome friends
• learn what it is I was put in this world to do and figure out how to do it
• help out with the high school lacrosse team I started last year (Ran into Coach T today. And by "ran into" I mean that I went to the high school to see her. She doesn't have an assistant coach yet and wants me. I'm thinking, why not? If I'm feeling up to it, it will make me feel like less of a loser. I love lacrosse.)
  
• listen to the music note residing on my heart and do what it tells me to do
• the possibilities are endless... =) any ideas? (That means comment on this post, please.)

I wrote this last night, "Question for thought... Today I did some of the hardest things I've ever had to do, withdrawing from school and deciding to postpone China, so why is it that I'm happier right now than I have been in days? Weeks even?"

Could it be the stress relief? The empowering love and support I've received from family and friends? Actually making progress in some direction instead of just spinning wheels? Gratitude? Hope? I think it's a mixture of all.

Dear Family,

Thank you.

Love, Megan

Tentative China departure date has changed. Now the website says February 2. Which means I'll miss your birthday AND yours. And virtually everything that will be potentially happening in the family during the year 2009. I don't like that. I'm sorry that I probably won't get to be there on your special days. If I could be two places at one time, I'd be with you. I really would. Because my family is very very important to me. Missing you is the only downside that I can see to this wonderful opportunity. And miss you I will. A lot. Don't forget that.

I don't think I'll go into detail about who and what I'll miss so much. Because that will just make me sad. I'll just post about it when I experience it.

As for my lack of posts... whoops. Life gets crazy sometimes. The last couple weeks have seemed a little crazier for me. I don't really know what to say about it. I have this image in my head and if I could draw, maybe I would draw a picture of how I feel. I'm afraid words can't describe this odd feeling.

Whatevs.

I need poetry.

And music.

And more sleep.

International Language Programs


Dear Megan,

Congratulations!  You have been assigned to Fuqing in China for the
Spring 2009 semester. We are excited to have you teach with our
 program and know you will do a wonderful job serving the children.

Thank you for completing the Application and Documents Packet!
We now have the information we need to prepare for your service
abroad.

You will mainly be teaching Primary level classes. Please keep in mind
that we make level assignments to help you be able to gather
age-appropriate supplies—primary teachers will be working with children
ages 4-8 years; elementary teachers will be working with children ages
9-16 years. However, once you are in the country, you may be asked to
teach classes in the other level to accommodate changes in enrollment.
To ensure that you’ll be ready to teach either level, you’ll be trained
for both. We appreciate your flexibility in this area.

Please plan to attend one complete volunteer training session. You can
find the training schedule on our web site at www.ilp.org/training. Your
participation in one of the training sessions is required. Training
sessions provide the answers to many of your questions, introduce you to
the culture, language, other volunteers, and most importantly the ILP
teaching method. Please call the office or email ________ to let us
know which training session you will attend.

If you will be departing in the next two months, please download the
Medical Forms packet found at www.ilp.org/docspacket. These medical
documents must be submitted at least one month before departure. If you
will be departing later, we will email you this packet about two months
before departure.

We look forward to meeting with you again and sharing in your excitement
as you continue to prepare for this adventure abroad!


Sincerely,
ILP Review Committee Chairperson

I didn't want to post anything earlier this week without being able to give you good news. But I'm going! I got an email this afternoon from ILP, accepting me for the Spring 2009 semester which means I will leave sometime in January or February and returning in June.

Now, I still need to fill out a 15 page document and make a payment in order to officially reserve my spot so I still don't know exact dates. But. I've been accepted! And I'm so excited!

I'm excited to meet my students and fall in love with them. I'm excited to teach them and learn from them. I'm excited to take pictures of everything I see and blog about my entire experience. I'm excited to explore. I'm about to live my dream. I'm excited for everything. I'm excited to just crash and burn while I'm teaching because... (sigh)... I don't speak Mandarin. I'm excited to learn more about myself and the world. And cultures. And people. And history. Everything. Learn. Grow. Discover. Accomplish. Live. Laugh. Love. Ardently.