Okay. So my next post is going to have pictures but I have to go buy some AA batteries because that's what my camera takes and I can't put the pictures on my computer without batteries. And I'm really excited about this next post, by the way. But for now the random will continue and then the insanity might finally be gone. I think it's just a bunch of really random thoughts that I need to get OUT. Because sometimes my brain just keeps going and going until there's all these really funny things. OVERLOAD! Here it is. (I mean, at least I think I'm funny. Do you? Maybe I'm the only one. Oh well.)

• I am SICK of Peter Breinholt's voice. It's nothing personal. I really do still love you, Peter. Truly. But we have these CD's at my work with some of your songs. They're great and everything, but when you listen to said CD's over and over and ov... you get the idea. When you listen to too much of a good thing, the magic is diminished. But don't worry. Long Way to Run will always be a favorite in it's genre.
• You know it's bad when auto-drive almost (ALMOST.) takes you to your boyfriends house. Not that it did. I'm just saying. Okay, it almost took me there. It really wasn't that bad. I didn't even make a single wrong turn. I just had a small urge to turn right instead of left. See? That's it. Not bad.
• I really actually enjoy doing laundry and cleaning and cooking. But I forget that I like it. Actually, I don't really forget it. I remind myself. I say, Self. You need to do your laundry. Remember last time you did it and it was fun? You turned on music and sorted out your thoughts along with your socks. Remember that? And I reply, NO. Okay, fine, I do. But I'd rather stalk people on facebook. (Gruesome cycle, people.)
  
• Last night I couldn't sleep. So as I was waiting for utter exhaustion to take over, I surfed the net. I think I subscribed to about 10 blogs and twitter feeds. I found this blog and fell in love. I think she's hilarious. (If you're reading this, Gretchen, please don't think I'm a creeper.) Anyway, I subscribed to her blog and twitter in the middle of the night. And when I got up this morning I was like, Wha? Who's that? and then I read some of it and it was just as cool as I thought it was at 2 AM. What's my point?... OH. Right. Basically she's really cool. She gets like 20 comments on some of her posts. I think there's even some with 30+. Rad. Also, celebrities follow her twitter. Like Matisyahu and Tina Fey and like such as.
• I think it's all gone now. I'm going to the store to buy AA batteries and food. And then I'll go to lacrosse. So the next post probably won't be till a little later. But it will be awesome. Oh, and donuts! I can't forget that I need to get donuts.
  

I'm a slacker. Trying to do better. I have multiple things to post. All really random. This post could be long. Maybe I'll make several.

Side note: Remember when I decided that all my post titles would be a line from a song? I changed my mind. I'll do it when I feel like it. I also decided that I'll do a word of the day when I feel like it. But I do really want to do the picture thing. And now the randomness can begin.

The script of a text conversation that I had when I was a junior in high school with a male classmate has been bouncing around my head lately. No idea why. But maybe posting it will get it out of my system. Plus it might convince you of how hilarious I am.

Guy: Hey, wanna make-out?
Me: How much are you gonna pay me?
Guy: Uh... nothing? What do you mean?
Me: Well, if you're asking me to act like a whore, I may as well live up to the title and get some money out of it.
Guy: (Silence.)

He never attempted to contact me again. And, people, I promise you I'm not making that conversation up. I distinctly remember it. Not like some of the conversations that I make up in my mind.

Like, this morning, when Mel came to get Rayder and woke me up to say goodbye. This is how my mind thinks the conversation went:

Mel: Your room is kinda dirty.
Me: I know. It wasn't like this before.
Mel: Before what?
Me: Before it was dirty.

Here's how it really went:

Mel: Your room is kinda dirty.
Me: I know. Sorry.

Or like the times when I think of something awesome to say about 10 minutes after the fact. Like Saturday, when I saw the boy's parents at Macey's. His dad just happened to be on the phone with him. Here's how the conversation went:

The dad (on the phone as he walks up to me): Okay, Son. I just want one more thing before you go. Just tell me you love me. (Puts the phone up to my ear.)
Boy: Haha, okay. I love you, Dad.
Me: Hi, Kendall!

This is how I thought it should have gone moments later:

Boy: Haha, okay. I love you, Dad.
Me: Love you too, Son.

So, you see, I'm hilarious but only when I have time to think of something awesome to say.

Stay tuned for more awesomeness.

I read parts of my journal today. I like it. I don't have to think about anyting before I write it. It's just my brain on paper. It helps me take a thought and turn it into something concrete. Make words out of feelings.

I wrote this in January:

A lot is on my mind. Mostly right now I am grateful for... a lot of things.
The biggest of which at this point is that my parents taught me to
look at a person't character and not their outward appearance or race. I was at
institute tonight and we started talking about racism and judgement. Equality.
The teacher was stressing how important equality is. The idea that we should
not judge people before we know them. You can learn to love anyone. I sat
in class thinking, This is nothing new to me. I've known this my whole life. Why
is he teaching this like it's a new concept? It frustrates me to realize that
not everyone gets it. Not everyone gets that everyone should be treated with
equal amounts of respect.

I think I get shy when things really start to matter. Maybe I don't express
my opinion enough. I fear hurting or disappointing others. Speaking ill of
another without the intent of gossip or catty words. So I just keep my mouth
shut. Maybe I should still speak up more often. I'll make that a goal. Oh wait,
it already was.

I've got this wonderful guy in my life. He's delightful. Adorable. Treats
me so well. After such a short time, he already knows me pretty well. Not only
my likes/dislikes, my personality, but he knows how to cheer me up. The other
day I was feeling down. He noticed. He felt my pain. He plugged his iPod into
the car stereo, put on some upbeat music and danced and sang with me. I think it
was Kelly Clarkson.

I wanted to post this mostly for the first paragraph. It was so frustrating to me that the man teaching the class had to learn about equality as an adult with a slap in the face. Through experience. Had to break though his old habits of thinking, "He/She is black" and learn that IT DOESN'T MATTER. Had to learn that every person in this world is just that. A PERSON. It doesn't matter what they look like. It matters who they are and what they do with their life. I'm so glad I didn't have to learn that lesson by a slap in the face. It has been taught to me since before I can remember. Equality is as second nature to me as walking or singing. So, thanks. I hope I can do as great a job of teaching my own kids about equality.

Title song. "You're a miracle to me."

I got tagged forever ago. Twice. Here's both.

Eight Things I'm Looking Forward To:

1. This lacrosse season. I'm coaching. It starts this week and I can already tell that this will be THE season. So excited!
   


2. Escaping to warm weather! (I'll tell you later.)
   


3. Brother wedding.
   


4. Sister wedding.
   


5. Finishing this post.
   


6. Finishing all seven books I'm in the process of reading.
   


7. Sunshine.
   


8. Learning.

Eight Things on My Wish List:

1. A hair appointment.
   


2. A trip to the used book store. Those are my favorite kinds of books.
   


3. Higher quality CTR ring.
   


4. A bag that doesn't make me angry.
   


5. A nose that isn't stuffy.
   


6. A whistle for lacrosse.
   


7. More time.
   


8. To play with my nephews.
   

Eight TV Shows I Like to Watch:

1. The Office.
   


2. American Idol.

Eight Things that Happened Yesterday:

1. Went to work.
   


2. Went to lacrosse.
   


3. Planned my little escape to warmer weather.
   


4. Ate a lot of Swedesh Fish with Caley.
   


5. Ate ice cream with Kendall.
   


6. Cleaned my room.
   


7. Went to sleep.
   

Eight People Who Now Have to Do This Silly Tag:

1. You.
   

Tag number two:

Answer each question with only one word.

Where is your cell phone? Counter

Your significant other? Happy

Your hair color? Gross

Your mother? Two

Your father? Silly

Your favorite thing? Smiles

Your dream last night? Wedding (NOT MINE.)

Your favorite drink? Juice

Your dream/goal? Simplicity

What room are you in? Store

Your fear? Failure

Where do you want to be in 6 years? Happy

Where were you last night? Everywhere

Something that you aren't? Boring

Muffins? Yes

Wish list item? Hair

Where you grew up? Here

Last thing you did? Breathe

What are you wearing? Hoodie

Something you're not wearing? Make-up

Your TV? Black?

Your pets? Fat

Your friends? Laugh

Your computer? Slow

Your life? Adventure

Your mood? Childlike

Missing someone? Maybe

Your car? Outside

Favorite store? Old

Your summer? Perfect

Your favorite color? Yellow

When is the last time you laughed? Now

Last time you cried? Wednesday

A place you go over and over? Works

Emails you regularly? Facebook?

Favorite place to eat? All

A place you would rather be right now? Any

Plans for the weekend? Boy?

Who will respond to this? Dunno

Title Song.

Today was supposed to be a good day. It was for a while. Then I started thinking.

When I graduated high school I had plans. Go to college, move out, see the world.

I dropped out of college. I didn't move out. I'm not seeing the world.

All these things I have been fine with so far. I actually enjoy telling people I'm a college dropout. I usually get a high-five.

Everything I've tried to accomplish since high school graduation has pretty much blown up in my face.

It was all beyond my control. But I still feel like a failure.

Can't help it.

On a brighter side, there's this guy who likes me even though I can't seem to do anything right. Makes me really happy. Also, SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF ME.

Song

I feel better now.

I feel the want to post something here. Just don't know what to say. Maybe I'll throw some pictures in. Life is good. Wonderful and spectacular. Any questions? Anything you wish I would write about? I'm drawing a blank. Open for ideas.

I want to start the word of the day again. I miss that. And I want to start taking more pictures. So I'm going to post a picture at least every week. Whatever I feel like. Also, I hereby decree that every post from here on out will be a line from a song. Probably one that's stuck in my head or that I'm currently listening to. If I start slacking with any of these, I give you full permission to hassle me about my laziness.

Now I'm going to go eat some cheese.


P.S. His name is Kendall.
























What do you think?

I feel like the last post was way too pessimistic. That's not me at all. And it's not how I wanted it to sound. I'm very happy with my life and where I am right now. Sure, I'm very disappointed about my plans that didn't work out, but I'm enjoying every minute of life.

A while ago, one of my friends said something that stuck with me. I can't remember exactly what it was but the basic message was Life is hard and there are so many ups and downs. Enjoy every single moment. Some moments will be overwhelmingly joyful, cherish them. Other moments will be horribly depressing and heart-breaking. Cherish those moments too. It's all part of the ride. It's all part of life. Carpe Diem.

I try to live by that. I think the other night when I wrote that last post was a moment of sadness. I cherished it.

It's time now to follow a different dream. I realize that. My problem is figuring out what my other dreams are. I've been focused on two big ones (seeing the world and teaching kids) for so long, I've forgotten other dreams.

What are they?

There's music and lacrosse. Lacrosse is a dream I'm following. I'll be assistant coach of my high school team this spring. Music is a scary one for me. I put a lot of emotion into music. When I play a piece on the piano, I put my soul into it. Expressive. Performing is always so stressful. I'm putting myself out there for anyone listening to judge. Creating music along with performing what I created is very scary to me.

This is all just scrambled thoughts in my head. I guess now I get to figure out what my other dreams are. Things I want to do.

I want to master a foreign language and use it often. I want to learn how to longboard. I want to learn a new instrument. I want to learn about photography and take pictures that speak louder than words. I want to create something worthy of being called art. I want to go on a spur-of-the-moment adventure to a city I've never been to. I want to read more books and poetry. I want to learn what it's like to live away from home. I want to learn how to cook and bake bread. I want to learn a skill or ability that I enjoy and will enable me to have a career that will support financially.

The list goes on. A common theme to my wants is learn. Okay, so I want to learn. Now where do I start?