I'm excited for a day in the far, far off future when I'm married and in my eighties or something, growing old with my husband. We'll be all smart and wise and have very profound conversations.

He'll be all, "You're old. And wrinkly."

And then I'll be like, "Look who's talking, Yoda."

This weekend and today...

1. Saturday and Sunday my mind was filled with important words. I don't know which ones to study more closely and attempt to live by first. Eeny, meeny, miny, moe will have to suffice.

2. You. Are. Brilliant. -- A friend of mine said those words to me the other day. Not because I needed a boost or a pep talk. And not because I was fishing for compliments either. It really stuck with me. Our conversation started playful as we called each other geniuses and nerds and then Friend said you don't believe me? I, being the silly girl that I am, thought we were still teasing and kept my sarcastic tone. And then I received that flattering compliment. What Friend had to say about me next, surprised me. Friend said that I knew the answers to life's questions. I found myself laughing because come on! Me? Not likely. Thoughtful? Sure. Smart? Fine. Brilliant? That's just not me.

Or is it?

It made me think... is the girl I know as Megan the same as the one others know as Megan? Do I see myself the same way others see me? I feel like I'm not wording this right. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I don't think I'm awesome. I'm fabulous, people! But I see myself from a certain perspective, one that only I can see. Others see me from another perspective that I can't see. I think we often look up to other people's examples and try to be more like them. Maybe, what we don't realize is that they are looking up to our examples, trying to be more like us. Well, if I had realized that before, maybe I wouldn't have done this, or that. Shrug. No regrets. Only lessons learned.

3. Yoga is soooo much awesome!

4. Rainy days are for Jack Johnson. I heard the pitter patter on my window this morning and it was the only thing that got me out of bed. I love rain. So much more than snow. I looked out my window and saw... hail? What? Hm.... Whatev. It works. My feet were wet all day. For some reason I didn't mind.

5. Did you know there's a reason they call it "snail mail"? Why didn't you tell me? No worries, I now know.

6. I'm only 29 pages into The Bridge At Andau and can I just say that IT TOTALLY ROCKS!

7. Wanna know a secret? Me too. But SOMEONE won't tell me. Cough. Laney. Ahem.

Song of the day. "Wait. They don't love you like I love you." It's bobbing around my head.

Silver-Lined Heart
By Taylor Mali

I’m for reckless abandon
and spontaneous celebrations of nothing at all,
like the twin flutes I kept in the trunk of my car
in a box labeled Emergency Champagne Glasses!

Raise an unexpected glass to long, cold winters
and sweet hot summers and the beautiful confusion of the times in between.
To the unexpected drenching rain that leaves you soaking
wet and smiling breathless;
“We danced in the garden in torn sheets in the rain,”
we were christened in the sanctity of the sprinkler,
can’t you hear it singing out its Hallelujah?

Here’s to the soul-expanding power
of the simply beautiful.

See, things you hate, things you despise,
multinational corporations and lies that politicians tell,
injustices that make you mad as hell,
that’s all well and good.
And as far as writing poems goes,
I guess you should.
It just might be a poem that gets Mumia released,
brings an end to terrorism or peace in the middle east.

But as far as what soothes me, what inspires and moves me,
honesty behooves me to tell you your rage doesn’t move me.
See, like the darkest of clouds my heart has a silver lining,
which does not harken to the loudest whining,
but beats and stirs and grows ever more
when I learn of the things you’re actually for.

That’s why I’m for best friends, long drives, and smiles,
nothing but the sound of thinking for miles.
For the unconditional love of dogs:
may we learn the lessons of their love by heart.
For therapy when you need it,
and poetry when you need it.
And the wisdom to know the difference.

The solution to every problem usually involves some kind of liquid,
even if it’s only Emergency Champagne
or running through the sprinkler.
Can’t you hear it calling you?

I’m for crushes not acted upon, for admiration from afar,
for the delicate and the resiliant and the fragile human heart,
may it always heal stronger than it was before.
For walks in the woods, and the for the woods themselves,
by which I mean the trees. Definitely for the trees.
Window seats, and locally brewed beer,
and love letters written by hand with fountain pens:
I’m for all of these.

I’m for evolution more than revolution
unless you’re offering some kind of solution.

I’m for the courage it takes to volunteer, to say “yes,” “I believe,” and “I will.”
For the bright side, the glass half full, the silver lining,
and the optimists who consider darkness just a different kind of shining.

So don’t waste my time and your curses on verses
about what you are against, despise, and abhor.
Tell me what inspires you, what fulfills and fires you,
put your precious pen to paper and tell me what you’re for!

More where this came from here. This one makes me smile.

What are you for?

I looked out the window and what did I see?...

Snow? In March?! It's supposed to be Spring.

Come.

On.

This is some kind of sick joke, isn't it? Well, it's not funny. I find no humor in this. None, whatsoever. And sure, some of you smile, sweetly and say, "Oh, it can't be that bad." Can and is. Snow is not welcome. And you know what I have to say to you people who happily accept this visit from the snow demon? :P Mmmmm!

I'm going to crawl into a hole and read a book now, because it's all I can do to keep from sobbing.

(See how I was complaining and being really annoying just then? And how I stomped my feet and threw a fit? See that? You secretly enjoyed it. Because you know I'm right. Admit it.)

I had my first lacrosse game of the season today. How did it go? Let's just say I got home and walked in the door and these words entered my mind. So I sang them. Loudly. Obnoxiously, even. If I'm not mistaken, I believe at one point I was on my knees with an air guitar. Rockin'. Score was 10-3.

So stick THAT in your juicebox and suck it! :P

I sometimes feel like my colors have faded. Like a black and white picture. Is it fatigue? Not likely. I feel gray. I feel lethargic. Somehow every song is too upbeat and all I want to do is hide. Not always, of course. It's like this slug comes around every once in a while to darken my existence and for a few days I get in this mood of solitude. It's possible that it's when my best writing comes out.

It amazes me how lonely I can feel when there is so much life and excitement around me. I can be surrounded by people who love and care about me but for some reason I don't want to accept it. I push people away. People I love. I'm sorry. I ask myself why I'm so irritable, so pessimistic, so stubborn. I think I figured it out today. These reasons are ridiculous but they make so much sense to me. They make the future hopeful.

Life is short. I can't spend it that way. Seize it. Taste. Learn. Experience. Another reason I want to travel. Maybe the color will return in a different form. Or maybe I have to wait for it to come back. Maybe this is something I have to endure. Maybe this feeling won't fully go away until a far off date.

I'm embarrassed that I feel this way. So much that I don't know if I'll click post. We'll see how I feel when I finish my thought.

I don't think this feeling is all that bad. There is a reason for every emotion. Although I'm not 100% sure what the reason behind this one is, I'll accept it. Embrace it even. Maybe something worthwhile will come of it. Then again, maybe not.

Song of the day.

My brain...

1. Monday was hard this week. Maybe just because it was a Monday or maybe I was feeling a little bit like this. Glad she was there to be lame with me. Two is better than one.

2. The next day was greeted with giggles and painful outbursts of joy. I flew around on my lacrosse stick pretending to be HP. Now all the boys think I'm crazy. Which makes me find it even more hilarious. "Where's the snitch?!"

3. I firmly believe I'm one of the funniest people living in this beautiful world. Also, highly entertaining. Yarr!

4. Today I was in seminary and thought: Why was this okay? If womanhood is so sacred and special, then why such disrespect? I, for one, would not be able to handle that. Maybe a reason why I am here and now. My heart goes out to those women. Even thought it's different now, it's a hard concept for me to understand. Not only do I find it difficult to accept, I feel personally disrespected.

5. Rose is looking especially attractive today. She is very smooth, very suave. Yet voluptuous at the same time. (Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!)

6. Lacrosse is great. (See #'s 2 and 3.)

7. Making a change with my internship. (Almost forgot this one. Funny, was the main reason I started this post.) I've been interning as a teacher at AFHS but... I'm not enjoying it as much as I thought I would. This, however, I believe I will. Are you ready? ... Writing. (I know. Yes, as a matter of fact, I DO enjoy being a word nerd.)

Here's the Plan:

• Research writing as a career
• Interview published authors about the process of writing and getting published and write report
• Writers Conference (March 21 & 22)
• Writing on a regular basis
• Blog posts (I know your heart just skipped a beat at the thought of more posts, I know. Try to contain your excitement. Breathing also helps.)
  
• Magazine articles
• Short stories & poetry
• Novel? (Daunting.)
  
• Submitting
• Articles, stories, poem to contests and magazines
• Go through process of writing, polishing, submitting
• Log submissions and results
• Interacting with "co-workers"
• Novel Prep exercises, March 24-31st
• Online "Book in a Month" event in April (through a writers website; make a word count goals and interact online with other writers)
• Report weekly on goals and progress and interaction

Now doesn't that sound a little more exciting and productive than sitting in the back of a class you've already taken and, on occasion, teaching what the teachers want, when they want, how they want? Yeah, I thought so, too.

8. Music is not consuming my life enough. I'm feeling a favorites post coming on. I have too many favorites. Maybe I'll have to go by genres. Don't hold your breath.

9. I also decided that books aren't consuming my life enough either. Maybe after my English paper I'll read something on my list. (Yes, I really do have a list. It's quite lengthy, too. I carry it with my in my day planner and add to it as I think of more I want to read.)

And she lived happily ever after. The end. Ha.

Song of the day: "You're a Wolf" by Sea Wolf
(This song reminds me of summer, grass fights in the park. Also, makes me feel like a gypsy. Mel will have something to say about that. ;) I like being a gypsy.)