I looked out the window and what did I see?...

Snow? In March?! It's supposed to be Spring.

Come.

On.

This is some kind of sick joke, isn't it? Well, it's not funny. I find no humor in this. None, whatsoever. And sure, some of you smile, sweetly and say, "Oh, it can't be that bad." Can and is. Snow is not welcome. And you know what I have to say to you people who happily accept this visit from the snow demon? :P Mmmmm!

I'm going to crawl into a hole and read a book now, because it's all I can do to keep from sobbing.

(See how I was complaining and being really annoying just then? And how I stomped my feet and threw a fit? See that? You secretly enjoyed it. Because you know I'm right. Admit it.)

I had my first lacrosse game of the season today. How did it go? Let's just say I got home and walked in the door and these words entered my mind. So I sang them. Loudly. Obnoxiously, even. If I'm not mistaken, I believe at one point I was on my knees with an air guitar. Rockin'. Score was 10-3.

So stick THAT in your juicebox and suck it! :P

I sometimes feel like my colors have faded. Like a black and white picture. Is it fatigue? Not likely. I feel gray. I feel lethargic. Somehow every song is too upbeat and all I want to do is hide. Not always, of course. It's like this slug comes around every once in a while to darken my existence and for a few days I get in this mood of solitude. It's possible that it's when my best writing comes out.

It amazes me how lonely I can feel when there is so much life and excitement around me. I can be surrounded by people who love and care about me but for some reason I don't want to accept it. I push people away. People I love. I'm sorry. I ask myself why I'm so irritable, so pessimistic, so stubborn. I think I figured it out today. These reasons are ridiculous but they make so much sense to me. They make the future hopeful.

Life is short. I can't spend it that way. Seize it. Taste. Learn. Experience. Another reason I want to travel. Maybe the color will return in a different form. Or maybe I have to wait for it to come back. Maybe this is something I have to endure. Maybe this feeling won't fully go away until a far off date.

I'm embarrassed that I feel this way. So much that I don't know if I'll click post. We'll see how I feel when I finish my thought.

I don't think this feeling is all that bad. There is a reason for every emotion. Although I'm not 100% sure what the reason behind this one is, I'll accept it. Embrace it even. Maybe something worthwhile will come of it. Then again, maybe not.

Song of the day.

My brain...

1. Monday was hard this week. Maybe just because it was a Monday or maybe I was feeling a little bit like this. Glad she was there to be lame with me. Two is better than one.

2. The next day was greeted with giggles and painful outbursts of joy. I flew around on my lacrosse stick pretending to be HP. Now all the boys think I'm crazy. Which makes me find it even more hilarious. "Where's the snitch?!"

3. I firmly believe I'm one of the funniest people living in this beautiful world. Also, highly entertaining. Yarr!

4. Today I was in seminary and thought: Why was this okay? If womanhood is so sacred and special, then why such disrespect? I, for one, would not be able to handle that. Maybe a reason why I am here and now. My heart goes out to those women. Even thought it's different now, it's a hard concept for me to understand. Not only do I find it difficult to accept, I feel personally disrespected.

5. Rose is looking especially attractive today. She is very smooth, very suave. Yet voluptuous at the same time. (Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!)

6. Lacrosse is great. (See #'s 2 and 3.)

7. Making a change with my internship. (Almost forgot this one. Funny, was the main reason I started this post.) I've been interning as a teacher at AFHS but... I'm not enjoying it as much as I thought I would. This, however, I believe I will. Are you ready? ... Writing. (I know. Yes, as a matter of fact, I DO enjoy being a word nerd.)

Here's the Plan:

• Research writing as a career
• Interview published authors about the process of writing and getting published and write report
• Writers Conference (March 21 & 22)
• Writing on a regular basis
• Blog posts (I know your heart just skipped a beat at the thought of more posts, I know. Try to contain your excitement. Breathing also helps.)
  
• Magazine articles
• Short stories & poetry
• Novel? (Daunting.)
  
• Submitting
• Articles, stories, poem to contests and magazines
• Go through process of writing, polishing, submitting
• Log submissions and results
• Interacting with "co-workers"
• Novel Prep exercises, March 24-31st
• Online "Book in a Month" event in April (through a writers website; make a word count goals and interact online with other writers)
• Report weekly on goals and progress and interaction

Now doesn't that sound a little more exciting and productive than sitting in the back of a class you've already taken and, on occasion, teaching what the teachers want, when they want, how they want? Yeah, I thought so, too.

8. Music is not consuming my life enough. I'm feeling a favorites post coming on. I have too many favorites. Maybe I'll have to go by genres. Don't hold your breath.

9. I also decided that books aren't consuming my life enough either. Maybe after my English paper I'll read something on my list. (Yes, I really do have a list. It's quite lengthy, too. I carry it with my in my day planner and add to it as I think of more I want to read.)

And she lived happily ever after. The end. Ha.

Song of the day: "You're a Wolf" by Sea Wolf
(This song reminds me of summer, grass fights in the park. Also, makes me feel like a gypsy. Mel will have something to say about that. ;) I like being a gypsy.)

I'm sick. I only went to school for one class. I drove my mom's car because I asked a boy to a dance and in reply he decided you saran wrap my car. (The answer was "Yes" if you were wondering.)

Because I drove Mom's car, I had to park in visitor parking so I wouldn't get a ticket. After my class, as I was putting the key in the lock to get in the car, I heard a little honk to my right. Ed, the school's parking attendant, was shaking his pointer finger at me. Shame on me. I awaited the wrath as he waddled up to me.

"You can't park there."
"This is my mom's car. I didn't know where else to park because I don't have a sticker for it."
"You can't park there."
"I'm leaving ; does it really matter now?"
"How long have you been here?"
"Just third period."
(Shaking his head.) "No. You can't park here."
(Hysterical now, with tears welling up in my eyes.)
"I don't understand what I've done wrong! I'm sorry! I'm sick, and tired, and I just want to go home! I only came for ONE CLASS! There are PLENTY of other parking spots here! PLEASE, just let me go home!"
(Before I finished.)"Oh. Oh. Okay, okay. You go home. Just go home."
"Thank you."

And then I opened the door on my face. Sobbing, I slammed it hard and backed out of my spot quickly. I was temped to wave the Satan finger at him as I drove away. I resisted. Dang Nazi.

For lacrosse today, we practiced outside. On a field. On grass. Green grass. Almost. Still very exciting. I sang.

Today was/is a Beatles day. Wish I had more of their songs. Of course by more, I mean all. I wore my converse today. Walking to class, I felt slightly punk-ish. With my converse, my hands in my front pockets, and The Beatles singing, "Whisper words of wisdom, 'Let it be.'" into my ears. In those moments, my sun shone brighter. What joy.

I love just soaking in the world. Looking as I walk. Seeing my surroundings. Breathing wet air. Wondering if Grandma Lyn played a part in creating that puddle for me to splash in or that green grass for me to serenade. I choose to believe she did. She would. It's something she would do. I miss her more at times than others. Right now, I'm just feeling her presence and knowing she's watching. There's something special about it.

Too often I feel like my words are not enough to describe how I think... feel.... So I keep writing, hoping more words will make it better. They never seem to. "Let it be."

Song of the day: "Let It Be" by The Beatles

Everywhere. I want to see everything. I want to experience it all. I want to embark on a great adventure with no strings and nothing to hold me back. Float from city to city, town to town, country to country. Middle of nowhere. I want to see it. More than that I want to learn it. New countries, cultures, languages, faces. I want to explore every inch of this world before I leave it.

I want to read a book on a bench in a park in Paris. I want to stand on a bridge in Germany and look out across the city and just breathe it in. I want to stand at the top of a mountain and announce to the world that I am on top of it. I want to go for a run in Greece or Italy and get lost and see my surroundings like the natives. I want to go to Australia and hang out with some kangaroos. I want to go to Asia and be still, watching all the busy people walk by and wonder where they are going in such a hurry. I want to learn about the different cultures in the world and begin to understand them the best way an outsider could.

I have so many questions about the world and the people who live in it. I want to learn about people and cultures and religions and what makes people the way they are. I want to know what influence a persons culture has on their outlook on life. I have so many questions and I feel the only way they can be answered is if I go. Get up now, without waisting another second, and just find out for myself.

I want to post about a foreign country and have the pictures be taken by me. I want to see the world in my own way. Without a plan. No tours. No schedule. Just go. Just experience for myself. Is it naive of me to think it's a good idea? The dangers of the world and it's inhabitants make me hesitant. I want to see yet be unseen. Unnoticed.

This is a Bio-Poem I wrote in September. With small updates.

Because Organized Thoughts Just Wouldn’t Make Sense

Humorous, perplexing, sincere, nonchalant
Daughter of Karlene, Jim, Craig and Whitney - sister to Ken, Steve, Chris, Bump, Muln, and Ellebelle - and favorite aunty to Carter and Rayder
Who loves Sunday afternoons with my family, laughing with close friends, and listening to, singing, playing, and creating music
Who feels the need of serenity, simplicity, silliness, and security in everyday life
Who gives somewhat-useful advice and support, service to those in need, and all I can to make a difference in a life no matter how small
Who fears the the web-spinners in my room will someday consume my soul, the loss of loved ones, and feelings of insufficiency
Who would like to see every inch of this world on my own terms and in my own way, those close to me become the people I see glimmers of sparkling in their eyes, and two amazing people who earth lost in 2005
Resident of infinite worth and possibilities
Megan Davis