As homework is being procrastinated, I ponder on a few things...

1. Learning is the beginning of learning. Infants learn routine, habits, emotion, etc. Children learn right and wrong, basic skills, and so on. Adults continually relearn all that has been learned. Daily activities teach routine and habits. Experiences teach emotion and right vs. wrong. Learning is an ongoing process. It never ends. I remember thinking that when humans grow up we know everything, we have all the answers. We don't. We never grow up. We grow old, tired, and fragile. But we also grow strong, wise, and entertaining. We never stop learning. The more we learn, the more we realize there is still so much more to learn. This world turns us into curious creatures.
   
2. We are all of infinite worth. Why don't we treat ourselves that way? Why don't we demand the respect we deserve?
   
3. A friend, no matter how far away, is still a friend. A friend who is able to give counsel and who also needs some in return.
4. Monotony.
5. Memories with Grandma Lyn. Spaghetti noodles with butter, a massive yellow fridge with my picture on it, a grand piano, a wooden T.V., an old fashioned telephone, detailed journals, a table hanging from the ceiling, her favorite songs, homemade bread, and a grandfather clock to sing me to sleep. I'm missing the pink lipstick stains on her teeth and her sweet voice of reason. I fear that my aspirations to reach her level of angelic example will become my shortcomings.
   
6. Can something great replace something outstanding? What about multiple somethings great?
   
7. Why Heath?
   

My creative writing class has inspired me to write about some things I haven't been able to write about in the past. When a feeling or situation is still fresh, it's hard to put into words. I don't expect any of this to make sense. It's part of my resolution to break down my wall. Here's a few Teach liked:

Untitled
like a Star from the sky
shines.
like a waltz from my memory
the smoke settles and I see.
nothing.
it hit so hard.
the lies.
alibis.
singularity.
it's so lonely here.
it is so cold.
you were so cold.
taste of
cold cinnamon.
winter.
did you get it all
out of your system?
I didn't know.
that night I couldn't breathe.
rebuilt trust
but winter came.
the rock left.
my perfect rock.

A Cinquain
writing
feeds comfort
indefinite happiness occurs
world to be created
therapy

Parting
maps maps
where?
this is
taking too long.
blobs on a page
countries
inches away
January sees Tears
just like September
and July.
a foreign language his
ancestors knew.
a book called Konyve
the North Atlantic
help him forget
meanwhile,
every song
laugh
letter
every moment
helps me
remember.
maps.

thankful
something to be said
of a Man who died for sin
oh, how glorious.
a lonely daughter. we all
need something to believe in.


In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning...
more.
more sugar.
for my...
to make me
crazy!
like now.
inside the heater.
what?
goodbye.

You could guess what these are about. And you might be right. Meaning is... personal. Excuse me if my thoughts create an awkward or uncomfortable atmosphere. Imagine how I feel spilling my guts for the world to see. Enjoy.

Absolutely hate the original. Absolutely love this.


Marie Digby

Fortunately, I only took a five minute shower which means I had time to do my hair.

Unfortunately, I got hungry so no make-up.

Fortunately, I was ready to leave for school 10 minutes earlier than I normally do just in case there was a storm.

Unfortunately, there was a storm.

Fortunately, it wasn't the kind of storm that creates an inch of ice on one's windshield.

Unfortunately, I got stuck in the snow.

Fortunately, I got out.

Unfortunately, the garbage dumpster still needed to be taken out to the street.

Fortunately, it was easy.

Unfortunately, I got stuck in the snow when I pulled over to take the garbage out.

Fortunately, I found a shovel.

Unfortunately, I fell whilst digging myself out.

Fortunately, I only fell once.

Unfortunately, I got stuck in the snow three more times on my way to school.

Fortunately, I got there in one piece.

Unfortunately, I was 30 minutes late to class.

Fortunately, writing Cinquains, Haikus, and Tonka poems is therapeutic.

Unfortunately, the bell rang and woke me from my word daydream.

Fortunately, I have been recently inspired.

Unfortunately, there is still snow outside.

Fortunately, someone cares.

Unfortunately, some idiot drove past the house with a giant shovel forcing ALL the snow to pile up three feet along the road making it perfectly impossible for my little Lola Belle to pull in to the driveway or the side of the road.

Fortunately, someone else offered to let me borrow her car. (Thank you, again.)

Unfortunately, there's still snow everywhere.

Fortunately, with a little clean up here and there with my new best friend Mr. Shovel, I got out of the driveway.

Unfortunately, I left my tennis shoes at home on my way to lacrosse.

Fortunately, I wasn't late and an intense workout with some nice girls made everything better.

Unfortunately, I find myself having moments like these all too often.

Fortunately, the little good things that make me happy in life add up. Like, family, friends, lacrosse, writing, reading, singing, dancing, twirling, laughing, smiling, coloring, doodling, music, etc. . . and they always make up for all the bad.

My exact thoughts while walking in to school (late) this morning:

Wow, that lady over there has terrible hair. Tan skin+white hair=just flat out weird. Incredible. That is definitely not natural. Who would even make hair dye that shade? She's crazy. Unless she's like Storm and can't help it and it adds to her awesomeness of being a super hero. OH! If she has super powers that means she can hear my thoughts! ... Neat hair, Lady!

On Wednesday, my best friend left. He'll be gone for two years. I miss him already. A Lot.

It was that same best friend who always told me that in order to be successful in life, you need to be out of your comfort zone 60% of the time. (Or maybe it was 70 or 80%.) Either way, here I am. I'm breaking out of my comfort zone. Destroying my wall of insecurity and uncertainty. No more getting embarrassed about my feelings and pushing people away. No more being too shy to say what's on my mind or state my opinion. No more pretending. My weaknesses are now on display at the museum of Megan. Admission is free.

Sometimes I lie and say I'm doing great when I'm really not. In reality, I'm having a terrible day. I pretend I'm fantastic. Fake it to make it. No one can be happy all the time.

So the truth is I'm very afraid. I am chicken liver. I'm afraid of growing up and the responsibilities and decisions it brings. I'm afraid of change. I'm afraid of moving out. And college. And deciding who I am. And what I want to be. And who I want to be. And who I want to marry. I'm afraid of being judged by what I'm afraid of. I'm afraid of the comments I'll get on this post. I'm afraid of spiders. Ew.

Generally, I'm a very happy and carefree person. My favorite thing to do is to make other people happy. I love reassuring them that everything will be okay. I love dancing like an idiot to make them laugh. It always works.

But right now, I'm sad. Because I miss my friend. He was the one who made me happy, reassured me that everything would be okay, and danced like an idiot to make me laugh when I wasn't feeling up to par. It always worked.

What I'm mostly afraid of is the day that everything goes wrong. They day when I can't do anything right and I'm feeling worthless. On that day, I will come, once again, to the horrific realization that I can't pick up the phone and call my friend to buoy me up.

There. I did it. I'm afraid. That's it. I'm not depressed. I'm not throwing a pity party. I'm not going to die. I'm not alone. I'm just afraid and a little bit sad. Writing about it helps. I feel better now. So judge me.


Song of the day: "On Your Porch" by The Format

My mom tagged me last month and since the blog world has not seen my face (except to read other peoples blogs) since September, I was unaware until recently. So, to jump back in I thought I'd do something fun.

1. I procrastinate anything I possibly can. Even if it's something I care about. I'll put it off as long as I can. I hate that I do that and yet I can't stop.

2. For the sole reason of Frank Sinatra I firmly believe that I was born in the wrong decade.

3. While we're talking about music, I love it. Everything about it. Almost every genre. My brain is a jukebox.

4. I like hugs.

5. Apparently, I twitch in my sleep. I only know this because I frequently fall asleep while watching movies at friends' house and they like to make fun of me for it.

6. When in doubt, eat chocolate.

7. I like finding quotes and writing them down. One I found recently is,
"If ever there is no tomorrow when we're not together... there is something you must always remember: you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart... I'll always be with you."
~ Winnie the Pooh.


P.S. Song of the day: "A Kiss To Build A Dream On" by Louis Armstrong